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Comment by Theresa on March 10, 2017 at 5:00am

I believe it is true

Comment by BLUEBELL on March 9, 2017 at 6:15pm

When my Mom died, I was holding her hand , telling her it was okay to go and that we would be okay. I also told her that she would see my Dad and her second husband there. I want to believe that is true.

Bluebell

Comment by Theresa on March 9, 2017 at 5:13pm

Yes forever. My mom's mother died 45 years ago and my mother still cried when she said my mother suffered terribly I just keep thinking to myself she will be waiting for me I know it

Comment by BLUEBELL on March 9, 2017 at 4:32pm

Closure and moving on does not mean that person is no longer in your life.The memories you have of them will always be with you. That is what I am getting from this discussion.

Bluebell

Comment by Theresa on March 9, 2017 at 3:53pm

 Gregory yes it does help you to heal and move on, I felt I had this connection as long as I had my childhood home where my mom lived, you really don't move on, but you continue to live because we really have no other choice.

There is not one day that she is not the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last thing on my mind when I go to bed.

I tell her good night every night and that I love her, I have a small ceramic heart with her ashes in it right next to my bed and I have a small shrine with her photo, the crucifix, and the blessed mother with a candle I light every single night in her memory.

Comment by Gregory on March 9, 2017 at 12:31pm

This Sunday will be the 1 year mark.  I think about my Mom every day and I can't really say the grief has lessened over the year.  I guess the shock is gone, but life goes on and it will push you along if you get in the way.  That's how I'm feeling.  I'm moving along with life but I don't really feel anything.  Like Bluebell, I'm still at my Mom's house even though I have my own place.  I had moved in a year earlier to help with her care giving.   Her care was shared by me and my brother up until the last visit to the hospital where she passed.  Going back to an empty house would have killed me so I'm at my childhood home working through the legalities of death.  It's hard to receive mail to the "estate of" and working with documents where my Mom is now called the "decedent".  It just seems like a very cold reference.  My Mom was a beautiful loving person and now she's referred to as some kind of item on a legal form.  But a lot of the legal stuff is now behind us.  Maybe with the closure of her estate, I too will maybe find some kind of closure. 

Comment by Theresa on March 9, 2017 at 11:16am

Bluebell. Good luck to you today I did all that also I feel like 15 months I'm just starting to see the light although I do have my moments because I surely miss her with all my heart and soul
Anytime I'm driving down the road I'll say mom I miss you so much I hope you know that I try not to cry Or think into it too much because it will take me back to the beginning again and I'm trying hard to move forward

Comment by BLUEBELL on March 9, 2017 at 9:35am

I can imagine how hard it was for you Theresa, but what an amazing outcome.  I hope I manage as bravely as you. 

It has been 24 days since my Mom passed away. I hurt, but it will get better as time passes. 

Today will be hard. Today is the appointment with the Estate lawyer.

Bluebell

Comment by Theresa on March 9, 2017 at 5:23am

The last thing you said is what you should do accept that you loved her and still do and always will not matter what.

I moved so quickly after my mom passed, I cleaned out the house, which she already had pretty empty, she and my father lived there for 60 years.  I went through her drawers put clothes in a bags and donated them to the viet nam vets, kitchen items.  I moved so fast it was crazy, I just felt like I had to put it behind me, kept what I wanted in my own personal container that is in my garage, like my christening dress, photos, a bowl that was her moms, her pizzelle iron which I honored her at Christmas by making them as she did every year.

Had it professionally cleaned painted and new molding put down and refinish hardwoods which were throughout the house.

Put it on the market and the first day we had 18 showings, the first girl purchased it full price, my husband said your mom was with you because he and the realtor couldn't believe it and the realtor wanted to price it the same as the last one in the neighborhood sold for and I said no way and told him what I wanted for it.

I took a video of the empty house which I will keep on my phone but all my memories and in my mind.

It was agonizing, but I managed through it alone, crying.  But I feel the same as you Bluebell, I went there everyday and found comfort, at least knowing I could go there.

Even though it has been almost 1 year and 3 months I miss her just as much.

I still cry.....I always will.

Comment by BLUEBELL on March 9, 2017 at 3:28am

I have not posted for awhile. I am doing okay. I had a very bad time of it the other day. A couple of things came in the mail addressed to the Estate of my Mom. The grief of her death came back to me worse than ever. I think it was the finality of "To the Estate of". She is really gone and it hurts. It also hurts to think of packing up her house of 30 years and selling it. I do not want to do that, but that is what is going to happen eventually. I do not know how I am going to get through it.

I feel like my grief is so much more intense than my siblings. Maybe it is because I was her caregiver for the past 3 years and practically lived at her house the past 2 years. I just do not know. 

I am still staying at my Mom's house even though I have my own. Maybe I am just postponing the final separation from my Mom by doing so. Is that wrong? Am I doing myself harm by staying here or is it just cause I am not ready to say goodbye. I still feel connected to her when I am here and I do not want to let that go.

It is so hard not to judge myself in a negative way. I want to feel free to grieve in my way and in my time, but sometimes I think I should be doing it differently. I think I should be moving on with my life already, but it is too hard. I do not want to feel that final separation.

A lot of the time, I do not even know what I miss about my Mom. She loved me the best that she could, but she was not a warm, nurturing person. Yet there was a bond and connection I can not explain. I loved her and I miss her, yet if she were to come back today, I would not go to her for comfort nor would I expect her to reach out and comfort me.

I think I am trying to figure out my relationship with my Mom. Maybe it would be better to leave it alone and just accept her for the person that she was, and accept that I loved her and will always miss her.

Bluebell

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