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Comment by Theresa on August 28, 2017 at 6:25am

My job is a distraction for me also, but I'm dreading winter, I am a summer person.

Comment by Theresa on August 28, 2017 at 6:23am

Brett also yes I also believe we will not see God, we will be in front of Jesus

Comment by Theresa on August 28, 2017 at 6:22am

Brett you are right in what you say.

My mom always told me when you pray to the blessed mother she will go to her son to help you and what son could refuse his mother??

I think about that often. 

 

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 27, 2017 at 11:08pm

Bluebell, my mom died on Christmas Eve. I woke up the following morning and I just thought, "What now?" I went from being busy 24/7 to being completely idle. I did what I could. I watered the flowers and trimmed the hedges at my church. I started working for a an organization that helps the homeless. I did what I could to have something positive to bide away the hours. Now I work again. It certainly does help to stay busy. Like Joy said, it can sometimes be very hard. Sometimes I have to find a quiet place to cry and pray for a moment. Sometimes it takes all of the energy that I have to just get a shower and get ready for work. I could certainly be more productive at work. I guess my production is just putting one foot in front of the other. Work may not be a solution to grief but it does help. It's good to be needed. It's good to have a reason to get up in the morning. If not for my (moms) dogs and work, I would probably just roll up in a ball on the floor and talk gibberish. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 27, 2017 at 10:56pm

Your mom sure looks good for 91. I would love to have known her. I can just see her praying her rosary and praying with The Holy Mother. God Bless your mom. And God Bless you.

It's funny. I'm not Catholic but I certainly prayed the rosary after my mom died. I love The Blessed Mother. People told me, "Brett, you are just trying to replace your mother with Mary." I would just say, "Yeah, so what?" She has a Mother's heart. Just like my mom, I hope that Mary is with me. I hope that she is with you, too.

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 27, 2017 at 10:43pm

Theresa, after my mom's funeral I asked the minister if he thought my mom would still be aware of me. He said no. He said, "Your mother is in the presence of God. She is not thinking about this earth anymore." I asked him if mom would still remember me. He said, "The soul never forgets, but she has moved on." That broke my heart. But he doesn't know that. He can't know that. No one can know. There's only one way to find out.

I have to admit that is very hard to think my mom may have moved on. I get that there are no tears in heaven, and maybe my mom would be sad if she saw how badly I was struggling, but who's to say that she wouldn't still be amazingly happy in heaven. Maybe our moms know that our struggles are only temporary. Maybe they know that we will one day be where they are. There's a lot of maybe's and no answers.

Some believe that our moms are sleeping until the last day. Some believe that our moms could be in purgatory. I'm not sure what to believe. I know what I want to believe. One day I will die and I will meet Jesus. That's a lot to be excited about right there. Imagine meeting Jesus face to face. I can imagine seeing my mom smiling at me, and then Jesus would tell me to go be with my mother. And we would live together in a world where the light is provided by the presence of God. 

That's how I see it but I don't know. I know one thing, no matter how hard people try to convince me that the way they were taught is the only way, no matter how loud they yell, stomp their feet, and shake  the head, no one can no for sure.

Jesus said it best. Only he has seen God. Only he could tell us for sure what happens on our dying day. I pray to Jesus everyday, but I will have to wait to find out what happens, just like everyone else.

There are so many things that I have heard. People who have had after death experiences, who have claimed to see their loved ones. I'm not calling them liars. I just know that has not happened to me. Seeing a white feather isn't going to tell me that my mom is alive and well and thinking of me. I just don't know, and that can be agonizing.

Theresa, I think about your situation often. Your timing was heartbreakingly unfortunate. You did absolutely nothing wrong, but I can sure see why the memory of that day would haunt you. This is another thing that is so hard about grieving. People will give you advice but they have no idea how you feel. They may have lost their own moms but they are basing what they are telling you on their own experience. My relationship with my mom was unique to me. Your relationship with your mom was unique to you. Only we can know how we feel.

The bright side to all of this is that we both love our moms so much. They knew that in life and I have to believe that they know that now. I think that is our saving grace.

Comment by Theresa on August 27, 2017 at 2:06pm

Brett also thank you for commenting on the picture she was 91 going to church as usual

Comment by Theresa on August 27, 2017 at 2:05pm

Brett I couldn't agree more we have no idea and all those questions I ask myself every day can she hear me can she see me does she know I miss her
Can I just tell you something I remember one day I asked my mom mom when you die do you think you know what's going on here her answer was no..... her being a devout Catholic I thought to myself well as she said no she waved her hand in the air as if to say you go off to another place you do not know of what was here that got me upset. But like you said she didn't and neither do we. But I am curious. I don't believe that all these things that are written how can they be true have these people died no they're still here. I don't know

Comment by Joy on August 27, 2017 at 1:58pm

Definitely. I'm glad I have a job as it's a distraction. I'm not always as productive as I'd like to be because I get into a funk when I think of my mom. The tears will come out of nowhere and I'm so thankful I have an office that I can close during those times. I was sitting on the train to work the other day and tears were flowing. I didn't really try to hide it because I couldn't if I wanted to. I'm just glad I didn't start sobbing as I was on the quiet car of the train.

There are also days when I don't even want to leave my house and go out and then there are days that I have to get out of the house otherwise I feel I will go insane. I just try to make sure I have  lot of activities to keep me busy. My mom would have wanted that. I'm studying to become a sommelier, I'm taking photography classes, etc. The only way I can work through my grief is to stay busy. However, I do need quiet times too. Read my Bible and pray.

Comment by BLUEBELL on August 27, 2017 at 1:27pm

I have got to go to work even though I am not in the best state of mind.This is hard for me to do. But sitting around doing nothing would be worse. Has anyone else had this experience?

Bluebell

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