Comment

Comment by BLUEBELL on December 13, 2017 at 8:51am

I wish I could reach out and touch her again. I miss her.

Bluebell

Comment by Theresa on December 13, 2017 at 5:46am

She is right beside you Bluebell.

:)

Comment by BLUEBELL on December 11, 2017 at 1:05pm

I do not feel very peaceful today. Lots of tears this morning because my sister and I are going to decorate Mom's Christmas tree for our get together at Mom's home on Christmas. But the sadness is mixed with good memories of when she was still with us. I am grateful for that. I guess I am grateful for the tears too because it means I loved her very much. 

Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman on December 11, 2017 at 12:53am

They have peace, yes. It's up to us to try to follow suit.

Comment by Theresa on December 10, 2017 at 7:44pm

Thank you Bluebell.  You are right they have peace.  

Comment by BLUEBELL on December 10, 2017 at 7:06pm

I read your post again Theresa. What a shock. I am so sorry.

Bluebell

Comment by BLUEBELL on December 10, 2017 at 10:00am

They do have peace now and that does give me comfort on the bad days.

Bluebell

Comment by Theresa on December 9, 2017 at 6:24am

Bluebell that was very touching.

I would be more at peace with my moms death if only I could have gotten to the hospital before she went in cardiac arrest, it was like someone turning the lights off, when they called me when I was pulling in the hospital parking lot, my mom could not have been there more than 20 minutes and they said to me your mom is in full cardiac arrest, I was like huh, what, I though oh maybe a heart attack, but for what I was about to see was not what I expected.  From that point on I remember very little, I called my brother, my husband, my work to tell them I would not be there, my cousin who she was close with to please come, I feel bad for my brother he had a long ride and when I called him at 8am he said I know this couldn't be good news.

I almost forgot to call a priest, I was numb.

I cry still alot and tell her I miss her, then I try to think of all the things we did together, most of them she did for me.

Can I just say after CPR did not work, and the dr asked me do you want us to continue doing this, I looked at him and said is she breathing he said no, I said stop it.  

Her face had a peaceful look so calm she looked beautiful just like she saw what she believed she would, even my husband commented he said look at her face, not a wrinkle just a glow.  At 92 years old.

I tried to tell my brother but I couldn't describe what I saw.

Comment by BLUEBELL on December 9, 2017 at 4:54am

I have been blessed off  and on this holiday season to feel a sense of comfort because I feel wrapped up and warmed by my Mother's love. I feel her loving spirit around me. I am glad she is sharing that part of herself with me. Mom, as much as I loved her, could be a difficult and not  a warm, demonstrative person. I think she often felt unfulfilled by her expected role of being the parent and and taking care of the house hold. She was intelligent woman and could have been so much more. But in that generation, her role was chosen for her and she had few other choices. Her frustration with her life came through. But now I think she has peace and a loving soul that she is sharing with me. I thank her for that. It is good to feel her around me and I am so very grateful. I just have to remember to keep myself open and let her love me the way she always wanted to when she was here on this earth. I miss you Mom, but I am happy you are finally at peace with yourself.

Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman on December 9, 2017 at 12:07am

I understand. If I could talk to my mom I would tell her that I am sorry for so many things. I really wish that I had appreciated her more when I was younger. I just sort of took it for granted that she would always be there.  

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