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Comment by SelV on September 8, 2019 at 8:27pm

Hi Avi...grief comes in waves. When, how or what triggers it...we don't know. Come 15 Sept, it would be 18 months since my mother left me. When my father left me almost 18 years ago, he took a quarter of my energy level with him. When my mother left, she took half of my energy level with her. What's remaining is just a quarter which I spent crying. I don't feel like getting up in the morning, doing the morning chores, go to work, cook, eat or even do household chores. But because I am still alive, I force myself to do things...just going through the motions. I have estranged myself from my siblings, colleagues and even friends. They will never understand. I don't expect them to either. I have to deal with the guilt, regrets, grief and depression...smiling depression all by myself. I have no interest in living and waiting for the day when my mother calls me. I like what Brett said in one of his posts 'soul sick'. That's what I am too. Your daughter...she is your blessing. Take care!

Comment by Avi on September 8, 2019 at 7:58am

Hi All, 

Today I suddenly had grief all over the day. I miss my mother a lot and it seems that there is no end to this grief. Hope I meet her someday when I leave this world. 

Just wanted to share my feelings here because people around me will not understand. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on September 3, 2019 at 2:24pm

Thanks, Sue. I will look into this.

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 30, 2019 at 12:07pm

Thank you, Sue.

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 30, 2019 at 11:42am

If you can find out what she gives her dog, please let me know.

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 30, 2019 at 11:06am

We're on the same train, Sue.

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 29, 2019 at 2:22pm

Yeah, that's the hard part. Not long ago my little dog had her sister and my mom. She was never alone. Now, there is just too much waiting in her life. Waiting for her human to wake up, and waiting for her human to come home. It's a shame. She's 13 years old I wish that I could just baby her every day for the rest of her life. Life just won't allow for that. It's a hard reality of life. You can't hide from it. Unless you are rich, you can't just stay at home. Life will come for you, regardless of what you want.

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 29, 2019 at 2:01pm

That's it exactly, Sue. I work a lot. She knows when I am getting ready to leave, and when I put her in her crate, she has the most defeated look on her face. It's kills me. There is no way that she can understand. I don't think I can have another dog after I lose this one. It's too much.

Sometimes, when I come home at night, she will not hear me coming through the door. I will see her, head thrown back, baying like a coyote. I will joke with her, "Was it really that bad?" It's not a funny joke though. It's all just very sad. Way too much guilt.

Comment by Avi on August 17, 2019 at 7:40am

Hi Danny. 
Surviving is art which we all need to practice. Today I met a friend whose father is witnessing the similar illness as my mother i.e. late stage cancer. He is also going through the same emotional turmoil as I went in 2018. After this discussion I remembered all the moments during my mother's treatment and whole day I was not feeling well. I need to survive and have learnt to live with this guilt. 

Comment by Theresa on August 17, 2019 at 7:00am

Danny. I hear you.  December will be 4 years 

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