I wrote this account on what must have been a "good" day. I was obviously thinking straight. I can't think of any other reason why I'd be able to sit and type it in one. It tells the story of the final week of Chris' life, from my point of view.

April
In order to tell this story with the respect that it deserves, I must state that there were good times before the part where the real story begins. Before April 3, 2007, it was paradise. Life was good for me, and I didn't think it was going to turn upside down that quickly. 1

I'd known since January 23, 2007, that things probably were not going to work out the way I would have liked them to for Chris. She had fought a courageous three-year battle with cancer. I had only known her for eight months when I became aware of the fact that she was not going to make it. As far as the signal, there were three words: "I leave now." 2

Her English had been perfect until that point, so that was when I knew. Trying to hide it was difficult, the way in which I simply said OK must have given something away...I'll never know now, of course. 3

Time passed, around two months, and I'd forgotten about the gut feeling I'd had that evening. I logged into the messageboard where Chris and I used to communicate most of the time on the evening of April 3, 2007, at 11.00pm. 4

It was then that I read the words I'd dreaded, the words which started me shaking, as I had not done before. I got up, and tried to walk across the room, swiftly deciding that getting up wasn't the best idea. 5

At that point, my faith was tested to the limit. The spirituality I'd found through Chris and her hardships desperately needed for me to stay the course now. 6

I drank a cup of hot, sweet tea, in order to quell the shaking and combat the shock...first time I'd ever needed assistance to do something like that. Later, I lay in bed chanting the Hare Krishna mantra, when I'd shortly before uttered the words: "If it has to be this way, then let it be quick..." 7

All in all, there were five days of waiting, watching, hoping that just maybe there'd be some improvement. Of course, when there have already been two times lucky, third time lucky doesn't usually apply. 8

So it was in this case. I turned the computer on at 7.14am on the 8th of April 2007, to find the news that Chris only had a few days left. 9

Foolishly, I thought "prepare yourself sometime Thursday." The following day, Easter Monday, I logged in at 7.09am to find the news that Chris had passed. I reacted calmly, surprisingly so, merely turning to music as my comfort. A song called "All Things Must Pass" by George Harrison, a song which Chris and I both appreciated: 10

"Sunrise doesn't last all morning,
A cloudburst doesn't last all day
Seems my love is up and has left you
With no warning
It's not always gonna be this grey"11

"All things must pass, all things must pass away."12

Over a year later, I'm learning that it's true, things can't stay the same forever, much as we'd like them to...I miss her still, but it's all part of this game of life.