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After 21 years I just lost my best friend and soulmate
I just lost my husband three weeks ago. I am still in shock and just can't believe he is gone. He did have kidney disease and was on diaysis, but he was doing fine. He just woke up one night and was having trouble breathing. I called 911 and they gave him cpr and then in the ambulance had to put a tube down his throat. But the doctors all said he was without oxygen for two long and was brain dead. Three days later, I and my nephews and 87 uncle had to watch as they removed the ventilator. An hour later, the love of my love was gone. It was absolutely horrible to watch him go from a good coloring in his face to totally ashen and stop breathing. Everytime I close my eyes all I see is that picture. I just feel so lost and alone. I have no friends. My husband felt everytime we made friends, there was too much drama and he didn't want that. He just wanted it to be him and me, Carol & Rob. That's just how everyone thought of us. And now, it's just me, Carol, all alone and feeling lost, lonely, and very very scared. I just can't stop crying. I do have to little yorkies who I love to death and thank God I have them. I feel like just half a person now because half of me is gone forever.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Robyn Bernor on
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hi ladies,my one month is the 12th, although today is the 4 week. I had a real meltdown yesterday. I had had a crappy day at work,came home and in the mail was this thing that denied my reduced price COBRA, so they want like 1100 a month, yeah right..dont have it,so I am going to appeal,cry beg,scream..what ever it takes..... I am so tired of life right now. If it wasnt for my kids I would have joined him. No I am not suicidal,just weary with too much on my shoulders.
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Permalink Reply by Lori Novoa on
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Hi Carol and Robyn: How are you guys doing today? I guess since I had such a crying fit yesterday I had no more tears for today. I find that when I keep busy that it is much easier than days that have idle time. Do you guys talk out loud to your spouse? I do that every morning, someone told me once that if you talk to them they will come to you....who knows but it helps me some way. I am not able to go through his things, how are you guys doing with that? I just feel like if I move anything that it seems so final.....everyone tells me the time will come when it will be okay. Everything is in the last place he had everything and I cannot move it, no way no how. I am praying for both of you that you will find some moments of contentment between all the emotions that consume us. Take care of yourself and try to have a peaceful evening. Love and good thought to you both, Lori
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By the way, have you guys bought any good books that you would recommend for losing a spouse?
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Permalink Reply by Carol Cugliani on
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I don't know why, but when I look at the last postings there is no way for me to reply. I wanted to reply to Lori's post last night and couldn't. And now I wanted to reply to Robyn's posting and there is still no reply to this link. Does anyone know why? This reply to this link was from my last posting. Anyway, Robyn, I'm sorry you had such a bad day yesterday. I've felt like that so many times. I hope things work out with your COBRA payment. I know those are truly expensive. Question, if you are working, why are you paying COBRA prices. I only paid COBRA prices when I left my job. I also feel like if I didn't have my little yorkies I would want to be with Rob too and I am not suicidal either. Hopefully you will have a better day today. Lots of Hugs for you today.
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hi carol
sorry 2 hear about your loss.
he was a good person and a good friend.
i will miss him.
i don,t i don,t know if u remenber me .. vince from corona.
we knew each other many years ago .
u r not alone if u need 2 talk u can give me a call and i will be there 2 talk or just lishen
718 631 1076 ..if u need a friend he was there for me when i loss my mom.
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Oh my God Vinny, how the heck did you find me. Rob and I had searching for you since we saw you at his mom's funeral. You said you worked at the bar in the Mariott there so we left a few messages but never heard back from you. Thanks for your thoughts. I am at the hospital today, a stranger/friend took me. I had a second colonoscopy done. I should be home around 7-8. I would love to talk to you. I am completely at a loss without Rob. You know how much we loved each other even as kids. It was a total shock even though he was on dialysis. We had such a great weekend and such a great night that night. I wish you would have found us sooner. Rob always asked me if I found you yet. How are things with you? How did you find me here? DId you lose someone? My phone is 614-718-2239 if you want to call me too. Have you been in touch with anyone? I've been in touch with Ray Ciac for about 3 years. Johnny G, Rat, Frank Caira, Steph and Tony Gentile and a few others. This is just amazing. Rob would love to hear from you. Oh well. Thanks for your thoughts and offer to call you. I will.
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Hi Lori, I have no idea where this posting will post. I don't seem to see any Reply To This link anywhere on anyone's posting. I'm glad you had a better day today. Yes I talk out loud, sometimes to yell at him for leaving me and for putting me in a position where I will have to go it alone for everything. We went everywhere together. Then sometimes I just talk to him about a problem I'm having and I need his help. Today I had my second colonoscopy on three months. I just kept crying on the table because he wouldn't there for me when I came out, a stranger/friend would be. It's sort of true, I was so busy and stressed out about the prep and the procedure today, I didn't cry as much as I usually do. In answer to your book question, no, but why don't you check the library. I'm sure they have tons of books or one of the librarians could recommend one. You take care and have good evening too. Loads of Hugs.
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Well, my tues night prep is over, that was absolutely awful and my procedure is over. And now, I'm back to being blue and crying again. I think the two days of prep and procedure just kept me so nutsy I didn't have time to be upset. But now that it's all over, I'm missing Rob so bad and crying over everything today. The Dealer told me the part is still not in and so the finally gave me a loner. I can't believe I've been stuck in this house for over a week. And now, Sat, my nephew is getting married, ceremony and reception and all. All because the last weekend we were all together Rob asked him when he was getting married. He never meant for it to happen NOW, he meant like next year. Since his death my nephew has gone crazy trying to plan a wedding. He already married her two weeks ago to get her on his medical insurance. I am only doing this because he has no other family and I love him, but I am in no way shape or form ready for any kind of wedding celebration. I just pray I can get through. Everyone says if I have to cry, just cry, and if I feel I just have to leave, someone will take tme home, but truthfully I am truly dreading this day. Has anyone else had to go to a happy celebration whlie your still mourning your spouse and if so, how on earth did you handle it?
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My husband Richard & I met on myspace in fall of 2007...We were friends for 2 years & then I went from PA to MO..We got married a month after I got there on Feb.9,2010 in Rolla,MO..A few months later we moved back to were Im from in PA...8 months into marriage we were pregnant...We had our baby girl Amelia June 25,2010..He had his 40th b-day on July 2,2010 & moved out of my moms place to a new apartment on July 9,2010...On July 12,2010 our baby girl & I woke up & I found my husband-best friend Richard dead in his sleep in our bedroom...I feel shock too...My mind can't beleive he is gone...It feels like he is on a vacation & will come home at anytime...I called 911 & the guy told me to move him,move pillows,turn him on his back...I couldn't do it cause I had stiches from having baby...the police & emt's came they made me take baby downstairs while they worked on him...They came down about 15 to a half an hour later & said hun he's gone...I started screaming no he's not go back upstairs & work on him more..They said we can't he's gone he has been dead for hours...He died right after I told him to go to sleep...When I think of him all is I can remember is when I found him dead..Also fights we had & ect...I feel like Im lost without him...He wanted to be married so bad & have another child...He got that but it wasn't for very long...I thought him & I would of been together to see our children grow & have kids of their own...Grow old together...God had other plans for us but I don't understand what it is...Thanks for Reading this
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Stephanie, I'm so sorry about not checking back with you. I've been so caught up having company and answering Renee and Cindy. How are you doing? How is your little baby doing? I hope you are doing well and I hope you have some family and friend support. I'm always here if anyone needs me to vent. Take care. Carol
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firs of all carol, i'm so sorry for your lose. please forgive me if i don't spell well, had brain surgery 5 yrs ago, my spelling went out the wind. i lost my husband 4 mos ago. i'm the same way. i try to spend time with family. i too cry all the time. i work full time, so i work alot of overtime. people tell me to go for a walk, keep myself busy. so i try. do u have any hobbies? do u like to spend time outdoors? get back to me and i will be here for you. i like to make cards, but my husband sat with me, while i did them. but i'm going to try today, without him. i also see a grief counsler because i have to get it together. i don't like not being in control.
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