Today is the one year anniversary of my brother's murder. For the past year I have gone through a range of emotions from sadness, anger to emotional paralysis. Today I realized that I've been living in fog where I somehow imagined that he was just unavailable for my phone calls. Today I had to acknowledge that I will never see or hear him again. How is it that today is almost as bad as the day of his death?
It's been a year, and I still don't understand how another human being can take another's life. I don't understand how the legal system, which I previously so strongly believed in, failed my family. I don't understand how I am supposed to "move on" from this. I don't understand how a murderer is allowed to walk free. I don't understand how my brother's wife can continue living her life as if nothing happened when it was her boyfriend that killed my brother, her husband. We were once a happy family that vacationed together. Now the woman who I once thought of as a sister, now holds the title of conspirator in my brother's death.
Life goes on, even though I struggle to try to resemble the person I was before September 9, 2013. I realized today that I will never be that person again. That person before September 9, 2013 was part of a pair - Donn and Kelli children of Harold of Mary. I pray that my family, particularly my parents, can try to heal. I pray that everyone who is hurting as the result of someone's death can find comfort in the memories of their loved one.
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