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Permalink Reply by Dennis C. on May 23, 2014 at 11:42am

An idiom:



hope against hope, to continue to hope, although the outlook does not warrant it


A person with hope...even though all seems hopeless.

How can we have HOPE even when it seems that all is lost

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Permalink Reply by bluebird on May 23, 2014 at 7:38pm

For me, it is impossible to have any kind of "positive attitude".  You asked what challenges we face that make it hard to have a positive attitude.  Not knowing if my husband's beautiful soul still exists, as him, and whether we will be together again, and not feeling his spirit, is the worst part.  Not having him physically here with me in our life is the second worst part.  In addition to that, my financial situation has gone from bad to worse since my husband died. I had to declare bankruptcy and go on food stamps.  In my current job I am making less than half of what i made at my previous job. I am losing our apt. (it's separate but in a larger house, and the landlords divorced and sold the house -- we all have to be out by next week)...I've found another decent place, but it's not as nice as this one, and it's not where my husband and I lived together. I was agnostic before, but any inkling of a thought of belief I considered having in a loving god is completely gone now. My entire life has fallen apart, and I don't know why, and I don't deserve it.

I am unable to maintain any hope, really.  I mean, I hope more than anything that I will be reunited with my husband as soon as possible (I mean that literally -- I wish every day that I would die that day), but I have no idea if that will happen, because I have no idea if there's any kind of afterlife in which our souls reside. Even if there is, I will always be sad and angry that our life here was destroyed.

I know these are probably not the sorts of answers you were seeking, but they are my honest answers.

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Permalink Reply by Jean on May 23, 2014 at 10:54pm

You are not alone. I am also facing financial problems and I must address them ASAP by selling a bunch of stuff. My mom was my very closet friend ever and my anchor. My husband is concerned that if he goes before me I will go off the deep end. I hope to find the inner strength that my mother had and try to put one foot in front of the other without losing sight of the possibility that maybe things might get better. I am a huge pessimist and started working on changing my thought process a couple of years before my mother passed. My job has been sent overseas and I pick up work where I can but things job wise right now are worse than ever. So I am still doing what I can to think things will get better. I hope so for all of us affected by this really bad economy. So much for hope and change. I have not seen it. I have not worked in nearly 2.5 years and need to look into a career change. The folks that provided my unemployment way back when suggested strongly to evaluate the skills you have that can be transferred to another line of work. Of course the hard part is being a bright eyed bushy tailed go get em when your world has forever been changed. I know the feeling very well. I have no energy right now to look into a new career. I have to go through everything and sell what I can to get by one month at a time.

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Permalink Reply by Casey on May 24, 2014 at 9:37am

I understand what you mean, i have always been underemployed , even before my mother was diagnoised with cancer.  And i had always struggle with depression.My mother is my closest friend and my everything and ever since she passed away, I lost hope altogether.

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Permalink Reply by Casey on May 23, 2014 at 8:32pm

Why do we have to be positive anyways? I feel that its okay to be and feel negative when that is what we are feeling and experiencing. I don't think I can ever say I will be really happy, because I don't think I can without my mother's physical presence and especially the short life she had and how she died. Its not my desire to keep a negative attitude, its just the truth. Life is negative for some people. There's no way sugar coating around it.

I think we can hope to be reunited with our loved ones and that's what I hope as well. But as far as I know personally, the reality for me is that I will never be able to see and hear from my mother until the end of my life.

I think all we can do is to cope with grief, and not try to force or impose positivity on ourselves or others. The way I cope is to keep writing, talking and sharing my mother with anyone and everyone, and also knowing that my pain will not last forever because I too will die one day.

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Permalink Reply by Dennis C. on May 24, 2014 at 7:21am

Obviously this is a difficult topic. I knew that when I decided to start this discussion.

I also believe that this CANNOT be about right or wrong. To me, when we are discussing these deeply entrenched scars on the heart we must give each person all of the room that they need for their own personal emotions, feelings, and views.

I also believe that there is a big difference between having Hope and a positive attitude and being "happy happy Joy Joy". I believe that it is possible to have a positive attitude and hope while we are deeply hurting and shedding tears.

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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on May 28, 2014 at 3:33pm

i try but thngs seam 2 go wong evry nw thn it dose

i can go in a room it tms i wish i cud dispear i cud 

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Permalink Reply by Eva Van on May 25, 2014 at 2:37am

If I were to answer this question a couple of traumas ago....I had hope that my life could only get better...isn't that the old addage, Once you hit rock bottom you can only go up from there ?  But I have since experienced that for me it isn't so. It's like when I was young I was thrown into a well though halfway down I was able to get a hold of a root...blessing my luck I started the difficult climb up grasping one sharp, jagged, slippery rock after another till I could see the last one before sweet freedom only to be hit on the head by a bucket dropped by someone wanting water. After falling, again I manage to grasp that blessed root and begin the arduous climb once more. My strength is waning but I am young and resiliant. This time as I am about to breathe fresh air a rock gives under my weight and the root does not save me and I am now in the bottom of the well trying not to drown. So of course I flip over on my back and gain much needed rest before I start the climb once again to the top. But now the rocks are too slick with moss and slime to grasp and wading for so long is making my legs sore. My hands are becoming wrinkled and the cold is sarting to zap me of what little strength I have left. I figure I need help because I am unable to do this on my own. I yell and yell but no one comes. I am exhausted now. My lungs hurt and my voice is lost. I decide to try hitting a rock on the side of the well so as not to give up...someone is bound to find me. After the second weary attempt I can not believe I break the side of the well wall causing water to rush in. Yea was just a fleeting thought because it caused an undertow in which I was sucked down further. My lungs are about to burst when I find myself in a little cave in a trapped pocket of air. Some may call this lucky...but you are only lucky if you finally make it out to freedom... If you are trapped and use the last bit of air only to drown...you may say it was a slow tortous death.

Now that I have a twisted outlook on life through my traumatic experiences.... I try to define hope. Hope for what?  But i do have a positive outlook...I am positive now that at my age  my life will always be filled with pain.

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