Yuck, I just feel yucky so much of the time. Every emotion is so intense, the littlest things set my off. I feel like a raw nerve, exposed in the world. I am still in utter disbelief that my dad died. It just doesn't seem possible. Even though we always had a rocky relationship , I did love and admire my father very much. I guess I thought I would have time to make the relationship right. When he was first diagnosed with stage 4 cancer (what kind? they don't even know!!!) I thought I had better start making all of the amends to him that had accumulated over the years, but I really thought I would have time to do that. Now he's gone and all I feel is this huge, gaping hole in my heart. I feel sometimes like people think "Snap out of it, it's been almost 2 months! How long do you think you should be upset over this?" I feel huge pressure at work right now and at home. My husband having primary liver cancer certainly doesn't help matters. Coupke that with a few difficult relationships with friends (a friend who is about die from bulemia and an alcoholic friend who is going to drink herself to death) and there is no safe place in my life. That's what I really feel like I need-a safe place to go, to retreat from the intensity of the emotions I feel... Winston Churchill said "When you're in hell, keep going" so I guess that's what I am trying to do right now-get through this. I know that I won't always hurt this badly, but I sure wish it didn't hurt for so long.......