Nikki McCorkle
  • Female
  • Brighton, CO
  • United States
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About Me:
I am a married mother of four. My husband has primary liver cancer so our lives have been full of a lot of fear, chemo, waiting to hear about possible liver transplant. I am a Christian and my faith is very important to me.
About my Loss:
My dad and my husband had their first chemo on the same day, November 28th. My dad died suddenly five days later after his liver and kidneys began shutting down. It's been awful and I've never known any pain like this.

Nikki McCorkle's Blog

Sunday

At church the sermon was about marriage, and how when we commit to someone, we do it for better or worse, sicker or poorer. The new pastor's dad died 10/31/2012 of brain cancer and he talked about how his mom cared for his dad as his dad lay dying. It was painful to hear-I wish I had a box of tissues, but it did remind me that that's the kind of love I want to give and receive. Love is an action, not a feeling, and I think about the day my dad died, he had uncontrollable diarhea and my mom…

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Posted on January 27, 2013 at 8:37am

OK here we go

Yuck, I just feel yucky so much of the time. Every emotion is so intense, the littlest things set my off. I feel like a raw nerve, exposed in the world. I am still in utter disbelief that my dad died. It just doesn't seem possible. Even though we always had a rocky relationship , I did love and admire my father very much. I guess I thought I would have time to make the relationship right. When he was first diagnosed with stage 4 cancer (what kind? they don't even know!!!) I thought I had…

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Posted on January 26, 2013 at 9:37am

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At 1:12pm on January 27, 2013, Emily said…

Thanks for keeping me updated about your husband, hope he gets a new liver.

I just have my dad to worry about, my brother and I aren't close, he won't get involved with a grief group and I can't really give him the support he needs.

At 12:23pm on January 26, 2013, Emily said…

My mom died of pulmonary failure/severe COPD. I think she knew that she was going to die. The last time we spoke on Christmas Eve, she told me not to cry.

She said she didn't want my brother and I to see her this way, and on Christmas day she lapsed into a coma and she died on Dec 27, 2012. She was in a nursing home in Crete, NE which is about 15 miles or so from where I live. Its a complicated story but she had been living away from my dad, brother and me for several years. I last saw her last November, when she was pretty tired and out of it. We talked on the phone a lot in the spring and summer of last year, the calls tapered off somewhat in the fall and winter as she started to decline.

I miss talking to her, having her as my confidante, my dad is grieving too, but I don't really feel like he understands my grief at all, which makes sense since the relationship is different.

I listen to music, chat and send messages to people on here and watch TV, and movies, its doubly hard for me because I need to find a job, take care of my dad and myself and also grieve so it all gets pretty overwhelming.

I'm sure you know the feeling of being emotionally overwhelmed.

I"ve heard that time, talk and tears is a crucial part of the grieving process and its good that you have your faith.

Grieving is a process, if you like to read there are lots of books on grief.

At 11:36pm on January 25, 2013, Emily said…

I'm sorry about your dad, and I hope your husband gets a liver transplant.

My dad is a prostate cancer survivor.

 
 
 

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