First, I had to learn to love myself and to define myself individually without the “couple-ness” that was so easy to hide behind in the past.  I had to set the boundaries I was willing to work within, and most importantly, picture what I was supposed to be like when I became the new me.  I know now that I was functioning without a base of my own.  I believe grief’s job is to knock out your foundation so you never feel steady on your feet.  When that happens, though, confusion, fright, and…

i am not me coz of loss coz of so mush loss shes gon me shes gon sisne 2012

another year without you, today is your birthday, I feel so empty without you, my beautiful son how I miss you, I cry everyday, I pray everyday to be with you. I now mom will give you a wonderfull party, but I want nothing more than to die.  have a beautifull birthday to my special son, I love you always and forever   mom .

Hi Everyone.

   I have been thru sudden death and I understand what people go thru each day when they experience that in there lives. What happened to me I was sitting on my chair in the living room. my late husband told me he was going to take a shower and get dressed and watch tv. he looked very grey he was not himself at all. so I did not think much about it.  so I went to go check in on him. he was…

Talking with a so called friend today, she asked how I was doing , I just shrugged my shoulders to which she said, you do know there's people worse off than you, you know, I said I knòw there bloody is, but I feel lost , to which she just shrugged her shoulders. Until people lose their soul mate they can never understand, EVER! . I relate to nobody anymore, Also I was asked why don't I have facebook anymore, I said I can't bare to see happy families and loved up couples photos anymore, I was…

For me, when Barb died, it was like a light went out. I remember feeling like every cell in my body was drained of energy. I felt lifeless, non-emotional, cold, and hopeless, rather like the marionette that hung in my closet when I was a kid. My form

was here, but nothing within me was working.

                                ~Mike

You Are

You…

Last night was tough....very tough.  2 years ago, I thought he was going to die then. It was an emotional month while he was in ICU and step down.  But, it was the same date (5 months ago) that he went to his peace and I went here.  Today was not good either...especially when my mom realized what yesterday was and facebook showed a memory of him last year...almost healthy.  Some one said that the dates are hard, but it gets more routine.

There are times that I  wonder if I was too…

Tomorrow is that day....that horrible day when everything started to go to crap.  When he quit cooking for our riders, he went on a memorial run for a friend of ours that got in an accident the year before....the day that he got into his accident....and died in the ambulance.....I saw the chopper set down, and an acquaintance of mine ran out as the paramedic...and I yelled at him..."That's my hunny in there!  PLEASE take care of him!"....That was 2 years ago.    Yes, I got him for an extra…

• Reduced concentration
• A sense of numbness
• Disrupted sleeping patterns
• Changed eating habits
• Emotional Roller coaster

It's been one month that I lost my soulmate on Valentine's Day.  

This has been surreal, because it's like he just disappeared.  Living without him is becoming unbearable.

My love, I'm trying and I want to be strong, but I miss you so much. 

Remembering back to the day she died is like a brilliant flash of light. Barb died of a massive heart attack brought on by complications from Type 2 diabetes. To me, diabetes is a very …

Maybe I'm strange. I enjoy my memories.  Granted, it's tough and time is making it a little easier, but I think that it is only because I am learning how to "behave" when I remember.  I felt extremely lucky to have my hunny for the extra year and a half that I got. He died in the ambulance at his accident and if his C1 had chipped 1 mm the other way, he would've died or been paralyzed. Even though that year and a half was hard--I was caregiver for 5 months while he grew in strength and…

It's been a month since my partner passed away. I found that talking to people helped me. Today, my Airbnb host gave me an insight that I haven't thought about before we had this conversation. He said that everyone eventually passes away. That is the natural course of life. It is the untimely death of the person that makes it harder to accept this reality. My partner was 40 years old when he passed away. I had many plans before he had cancer. In my mind, we will grow old together. In my…

Psalm 121New Living Translation (NLT)

Psalm 121

A song for pilgrims ascending to Jerusalem.

Have you experienced the death of a spouse in the past five years?

Are you between the ages of 18-64? If so, researchers from the University of Illinois are interested in hearing your story. We are conducting interviews with individuals who have recently lost a spouse. Interested participants will engage in an audio-recorded interview about their experiences with loss. Interviews will take approximately 45–90 minutes and will remain confidential. Participants who are U.S. citizens,…