Jennifer
  • Female
  • Pikeville, KY
  • United States
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About Me:
I'm 42 years old. I am divorced. I do not have children. My career for the past 3 years was as a caregiver to my Mama. She had a bad back and couldn't do what she used to. I was her companion and took care of the house for her. We were best friends, she was my true soul mate.
About my Loss:
My Mommy had a left brained stroke back in October 2015. She could not move the left side of her body. She suffered from aphasia. She was basically an elderly baby. She could talk, but her sentences were broken. She wore diapers, couldn't work a remote, couldn't work a computer. It was horrible to see her like that. In February of 2017, she had a seizure. They took her to the ER then transferred her to the ER. The next afternoon she had a right brained stroke. She literally was gone at that point. She lingered in and out of lucidity for about three or four days. I was able to go visit with her and make peace with her. We were so close. I was the only person she would respond to. Her body went into fits trying to communicate with me. We said our goodbyes in our own way. I decided not to go visit her after the fifth day she was in there. She would always respond to me, it would put her in too much pain and they ended up sedating her afterward. She died February 25, 2017 at 230 pm. It was the hardest day of my life and for my family. My Granny died that same day two years before. It was a double whammy.

One saving grace, she had this blissful smile on her face while she laid in her coffin. I inquired about it with the funeral staff and her stylist, they all told me it was naturally there when her body arrived at the funeral home. This smile gave me the most comfort I've had in my whole life.

My family is Christian oriented. This smile said, "Jenn, I love you so much. I will miss you. I am in heaven. I seen Jesus Christ. I am with Him now. Do no worry about me." God said, "Jennifer, I love you. I have your mother safe in my arms. She saw my glory. Now you see it." I nearly fell to my knees. I couldn't stop staring at her smile the three days she was laid out. I knew it was left there as a testimony to me. My Mommy is in heaven. It was also a testimony to me there is a God. There is a Jesus Christ. I will see Him myself. I have nothing to fear about death.

So my loss has broken my heart, but not my spirit. I am not in mourning for my Mommy in the way the world mourns. I am in grief, but I have hope. I am not hopeless.

Visit my Sunflowers and Butterflies Blog!

Jennifer's Blog

Psalm 121 , the grief prayer.

Psalm 121New Living Translation (NLT)

Psalm 121

A song for pilgrims ascending to Jerusalem.

1 I look up to the mountains—…

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Posted on March 12, 2017 at 5:02pm

Chimes from heaven.

My Mommy died on Saturday, February 25, 2017 at 2:30 P.M. It was the most devastating day of my entire life. I knew her death was certain because she'd had two strokes on both sides of her brain a year apart. It was expected, but never real until the moment it happened. I was asleep when she died. I woke up the minute to the hour she passed on. The movie While You Were Sleeping was my favorite movie of all time, so it is ironic really.

Around midnight I went out on the porch.…

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Posted on March 11, 2017 at 3:54pm

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