November 2014 Blog Posts (14)

pain will never fade

everyday my heart hurts, to breathe hurts. but the tears still fall each and every day. I feel so empty and so alone. I would give anything to hear  MOM, to hear shawns voice, to see that beautiful smile once more. I tell myself every day he will come home back to me. I feel without this ill lose it, ill break. im in such a deep dark place and there will never ever be light again. this is just a dark dream, and I cant wake up. I hope to hold him soon, I pray to. my shawn my love of my life…

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Added by kim on November 29, 2014 at 12:33pm — 1 Comment

shawn

soon the holidays will be here , my heart hurts so much. to go through Christmas without you kills me. its now just another day. I ask every night what you want me to do, and no answer, to hear  MOM from you would be such a gift and I hope I hear it one more time. all day I think of holding you, trying to remember how it feels. my chest hurts to breathe, my tears burn, ill wait for you to come to me, and pray to you each night that its soon,  my love my life my son, forever mom

Added by kim on November 25, 2014 at 7:18am — No Comments

i love you shawn

 my wonderful son,  I cry so hard everyday and night, missing you with all my broken heart. I can barely see my eyes are so swollen, its so hard to see another holiday coming, and to feel so alone and empty with out you here. I hope each day you can hear me, but I hope you can not feel my pain. I wish my tears could build a stairway to you, I would have been there by now. you will always be the love of my life, without you im not whole, my wish this x mas would be to hear you say  MOM, to…

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Added by kim on November 23, 2014 at 1:40pm — No Comments

too much time

this guilt over so much time passing is confusing me. why should I feel guilty that at 19 days old I wouldn't feel pain, and she would have turned 19 this year? I love,miss, think of her every day..She is as importantand loved as a baby born yesterday. too many are wanting me to forget and get over it. you never get over picking out a tiny casket.

Added by j l carver on November 20, 2014 at 6:49am — No Comments

thank you shawn

today  I could smell shawn in my living room right by my computer, I know hes here it was so strong. shawn loves his computer , its his way of telling me hes here he wont leave me, I miss him so much, I pray each night to go with him, to hold him tight again. my babys here hes here.  my beautiful son, the love of my life, he will never leave me.    

Added by kim on November 18, 2014 at 3:09pm — 1 Comment

my dark deep hole

today my doctor came to see me. she brough all the papers and explained why my shawn went away.  I cryed so much she had to stop and she held me. she said if the heart dr had called 911 shawn would still be here. but he just sent him home. I know its wrong but I wish with all I have if that dr has kids I hope they die, I want him so much to feel my pain, my emptiness forever. I  said to her, my shawns not coming home is he? when she looked into my eyes and told me no, I lost it so bad I…

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Added by kim on November 14, 2014 at 12:20pm — No Comments

Is there an appt. for that?

Is there a App. for that?



With technology so advance I dare to ask

how is the digital age in the afterlife?

Angels with long distance calling cards.

Can I log in and find your light…

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Added by Lulu on November 13, 2014 at 10:31pm — No Comments

You never know what you've got until you lose it !

Every time I wake up I find that I have to face another day of my wife not being there, although it's been 16 years now since the angels came, I know if I mention her to someone it'll just give them a cause to tell me that I should be "over it" by now. Sitting at the desktop tonight playing her favorite sport, pool, I began to wonder what she would think of me now-having changed my appearance from my long Yanni appearance to a short typical haircut-would she be upset? And then I began to…

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Added by Bill Daniels on November 11, 2014 at 10:52pm — 3 Comments

feeling so dead inside

shawn as I placed a white rose with you, my tears were falling on your stone I felt nothing but darkness, emptiness. I hurt like ive never hurt before. oh god I miss you so bad, how can I go on shawn how? you are my life and nothing else matters, you are my only great love my beautiful son. I have never been so tired, so afraid. all I want is to be with you, to hold you and never let you go.  im waiting for you baby, please come to me please. I need you.  love you always and so deeply ,…

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Added by kim on November 10, 2014 at 9:35am — No Comments

shawn

today its snowing, I know you hated the cold winters, when I went to see you today and saw your flowers covered in snow it broke my heart. I hope you are wrapped in moms arms  warm and safe. I ask everyday and night for you to come to my dreams and tell me you are happy, its been a year and 3 days and I have not had 1 dream, I miss you more each and everyday, I cry so much my eyes hurt everyday. I feel like im falling deeper and deeper, im begging you to grab my hand and take me with you,…

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Added by kim on November 8, 2014 at 10:54am — 1 Comment

Bucket List

A year ago today seems like yesterday.

Bucket List

Crazy lady with the red pants going to get a burrito at cha chas. Jeff is getting ready to go target shooting. It’s something he pulled from my bucket list. He's like a little boy anticipating.our second date.

"I won’t take you to a place where is not safe"

"You're in professional hands, you'll see it going to be great." As if!! am not scared I will let him be the man and play his way.

Raffle in hand,…

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Added by Lulu on November 5, 2014 at 7:43pm — No Comments

Will I make it back ro some semblance of functionality and joy? (1st timer here sry so long)

I physically feel as though a strong vacuum is sucking my lungs and heart out of my cheast from somewhere around my belly button; creating a struggle to breathe. I am experiencing Panic Attacks and fallig on the ground as i did when "the call" came from my 11 year old granddaughter!   That moment replays and my body responds apprpriate to the memory. 

I, emotionally feel alone, as I'm estranged from family. None of which attended my daughters funeral, not even my mother, her…

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Added by Linda Wishart on November 5, 2014 at 12:41pm — No Comments

Will I make it back ro some semblance of functionality and joy? (1st timer here sry so long)

I physically feel as though a strong vacuum is sucking my lungs and heart out of my cheast from somewhere around my belly button; creating a struggle to breathe. I am experiencing Panic Attacks and fallig on the ground as i did when "the call" came from my 11 year old granddaughter!   That moment replays and my body responds apprpriate to the memory. 

I, emotionally feel alone, as I'm estranged from family. None of which attended my daughters funeral, not even my mother, her…

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Added by Linda Wishart on November 5, 2014 at 12:41pm — No Comments

The mess

On August 3rd our boy took his own life in our garage by hanging.  My wife, daughter, daughters boyfriend and I found him in the garage.  Our life since then has been a mess and seems to moving along inside of a bubble of sorrow.  Will this every go away?  

Added by Mark on November 3, 2014 at 4:32pm — 2 Comments

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It was not supposed to be like this

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