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Miriam Holmes
- Female
- Marthasville, MO
- United States
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Miriam Holmes's Page
Latest Activity
"Chris, I am so very sorry for your loss. Losing a mother is so excruciatingly painful. No one but a mother cares about every little detail of your life. You can count on your mother to love you through the good times and the…"
A Poem for Us
I wrote this poem many years ago when my mother and my second mother, my mother-in-law, were both dying of cancer. They died a week apart. It was helpful to me then and is helpful to me now. I hope it can be helpful for some of you.Children of the LightWe are children of the light,Burning crystals,Each fracturing the lightInto his own incandescent dance of joy.Blinded by our sensesWe do not see the light that binds us.Flames in the windWe flicker to forces we do not know or…See More
"Josie, I am so very sorry for your loss. I have a dear friend whose husband was an alcoholic, so I have some idea how difficult that is. And now, with his death, your hopes for a better future are gone. How very, very sad for you. I hope…"
Memorial Services
The widespread practice of a viewing of the body and wake at a funeral home is not helpful to me as it seems to be for so many people. But I do need to say goodbye formally, in a memorial service. As a person of faith, I prefer religious services; but some formal rite of farewell, some ritual recognition that a life has ended is still important, if the family is not religious. It has always been important to mankind, and it is important to me. My uncle wanted nothing, no service, no wake,…See More
"Thank you so much for your very kind words. I hope that you find here the help that you need. It is helping me just to write things out. And receiving generous comments like your is a wonderful bonus."
"Lauren, I have not gone through anything that begins to be similar to the nightmare that you are describing. Anger at your father is completely appropriate, even necessary. But I suspect that beneath the anger at your father there is…"
"Hi Miriam, You have my deepest admiration and empathy. I don't have any family left to speak of. For years there was no one to talk to about my daily life. Although I found it difficult to be open with people and preferred to help them rather…"
"Miriam, thanks for what you’ve said here, think it will be helpful to many other people here and I hope writing it down will help you as well. What you say about the way you miss your uncle, the loss of rituals and of his expressions of…"
Healing Repetition
An uncle in our family committed suicide. For five years his wife, Aunt Alice, said the same things over and over again to anyone who would listen. We are a loving family, so we listened and said the same hopefully comforting things back to her again and again. And after five years she was done and could move on. I hope it doesn't take five years, but I need to talk about my Uncle Jim and my cousin Paul and probably repeat myself a lot. It took a long time to develop my relationship with…See More
"Dona, I am so sorry for your pain. A difficult relationship like yours always leaves all sorts of conflicting feelings that are hard to sort out. I hope that the support you receive here will help you find your way to a better place."
"Hi, I'm brand new, too. I needed some place to talk out the grief that other people don't understand and don't really want to listen to. Hopefully, this will be a helpful place for both of us. Whatever your loss, I…"
The Little Things
This morning there was a crescent moon. I always called it a "fingernail moon," but my cousin Paul called it a "toenail moon." I got all choked up seeing it. Then the Valentine cards are out at Walmart. He loved all the holidays, and I always sent him cards. But no more. More tears to fight back. Sometimes his love for you would overflow, and he would just have to give you a big hug and tell you that he loved you right then and there. I have never had anyone else do that for me. I knew…See More
Profile Information
- About Me:
- I have been married for 51 years. My husband has Parkinson's, limited to his right arm and jaw at this time. We live in the woods, literally. I love the wild and have hiked and backpacked my entire adult life. Photographing wildflowers is a great pleasure. I have been a teacher and a caseworker for the state, but did not work while my children were growing up. My addiction is reading. My tastes are eclectic. History, biographies, and mysteries are favorites, but I read all sorts of things. I have two children, a daughter and a son, one grandson, and a very loving extended family close to me. But I am very introverted and private, my closest friend has serious health problems and is only occasionally available. So I do feel isolated when I need to talk about certain things.
- About my Loss:
- I lost my uncle in July. He was 86 years old, and we knew he had stage 4 prostate cancer. But he seemed to be doing well. I am certain now that he was lying to me about his health. We were very close. I was the daughter he never had. He tried to provide some of the masculine support that I did not get from my father. Though he lived in Atlanta we saw him twice a year and I spoke to him by phone regularly, every day for the last two years.
Then at the end of October I lost a cousin that was very dear to me. This is the loss that is hard for people to understand, and the one that has hit me very, very hard. He was born in our bathroom when I was 8 years old. I thought it was wonderful and from then on felt a special bond. He was mentally challenged and went into care in his teens. We lived in Missouri and his family lived in Iowa. But we went there almost every Thanksgiving and Christmas so I saw him regularly. Even when he went into care, Mother took us to visit him. When he was in his early twenties, my grandfather asked me to take over as the family contact for him. He had 3 brothers, but they had nothing to do with him. So I was his advocate with his caregivers and his only family for 40 years with the exception of one brother who started taking him to lunch 2 or 3 times a year for about 8 years before he died. He was my responsibility. It wasn't easy doing it long distance; but after thorough research I concluded that his daily life would be much better in Iowa.There were good times and bad times. There were problems. There were phone calls, cards, birthday presents. We visited him. He visited us. For more than 20 years he has spent a week with us at Christmas. There were times I failed him. But he did grow and mature and these last years he was more outgoing, more independent, more easy to love. And he gave love readily. He loved me very much, as I loved him. I finally did realize that I have lost a dear child, oversize, but a child, about 8 years old.
I'm still crying a lot.
Miriam Holmes's Blog
A Poem for Us
I wrote this poem many years ago when my mother and my second mother, my mother-in-law, were both dying of cancer. They died a week apart. It was helpful to me then and is helpful to me now. I hope it can be helpful for some of you.
Children of the Light
We are children of the light,
Burning crystals,
Each fracturing the light
Into his own incandescent dance of joy.
Blinded by our senses
We do not see the light that binds us.
Flames…
ContinuePosted on February 8, 2020 at 5:28pm — 1 Comment
Memorial Services
The widespread practice of a viewing of the body and wake at a funeral home is not helpful to me as it seems to be for so many people. But I do need to say goodbye formally, in a memorial service. As a person of faith, I prefer religious services; but some formal rite of farewell, some ritual recognition that a life has ended is still important, if the family is not religious. It has always been important to mankind, and it is important to me. My uncle wanted nothing, no service, no…
ContinuePosted on February 4, 2020 at 9:12pm
Healing Repetition
An uncle in our family committed suicide. For five years his wife, Aunt Alice, said the same things over and over again to anyone who would listen. We are a loving family, so we listened and said the same hopefully comforting things back to her again and again. And after five years she was done and could move on. I hope it doesn't take five years, but I need to talk about my Uncle Jim and my cousin Paul and probably repeat myself a lot.
It took a long time to develop my…
ContinuePosted on January 24, 2020 at 4:25pm — 1 Comment
The Little Things
This morning there was a crescent moon. I always called it a "fingernail moon," but my cousin Paul called it a "toenail moon." I got all choked up seeing it. Then the Valentine cards are out at Walmart. He loved all the holidays, and I always sent him cards. But no more. More tears to fight back. Sometimes his love for you would overflow, and he would just have to give you a big hug and tell you that he loved you right then and there. I have never had anyone else do that for me. I…
ContinuePosted on January 22, 2020 at 7:14pm
Comment Wall (1 comment)
- At 3:29am on January 25, 2020,
Billy Jo Colt said…
Hi Miriam, You have my deepest admiration and empathy. I don't have any family left to speak of. For years there was no one to talk to about my daily life. Although I found it difficult to be open with people and preferred to help them rather than myself. I wonder if you have thought about starting a group on facebook where genuine friendships could be made with people like your uncle? Not to replace him but to help you with grieving. That is a process only you can deal with and friends on this site will definitly help you along that road. I wish you loads of success and that you take care of yourself on this difficult journey. huggs, John
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Latest Activity
Not looking forward to Christmas
It's been a long time since I've posted a Blog on here but I am not looking forward to Christmas I am notBecause the people should be here it's no longer hereSee More
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
"is griefshare a website like this?"
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