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Comment by Mary Elizabeth Webb on April 28, 2011 at 7:50pm

My heart aches for all your recent losses. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take each day as it comes. Let your tears fall. Don't hold in your pain. Talk through the sadness. Vent your frustrations-peace will come. Maybe not as quickly as you wish, let the love you have for your loved ones fill your hearts. Peace and blessings to all.

Comment by Jeanne Potter on April 28, 2011 at 7:31pm

Hi Colleen,
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 3 days before Christmas from brain cancer. I understand the no warning all too well. We had just made plans for him to retire and we were looking for the house of our dreams to retire in. He retired on the 14th and I took him to the hospital on the 15th to find out he had a brain mass. After surgery, chemo, radiation and then double embolisms in his lungs he still fought for 17 months. It is so hard to see someone deteriorate that way. He was the one that everyone came to when they needed there computer fixed. He soon had trouble using his cell phone. He never complained, but you knew he felt it and tried not to make a big deal out of it. I miss him more each day. I also seek solace in my cat. Animals are very perceptive and I see him looking past me sometimes and I know that Harry is right there. We renewed our vows last June for our 25th anniversary knowing that it would probably be the last. I am so glad we did it and everyone was there.
I find the smallest things make me cry. I see a hat he wore or a song on the radio or another couple holding hands and smiling and I can fall apart. If we didn't have had a good relationship then it would not hurt so bad. think of all the good times and cherish them, and know he is fine, better than we are. He wants you to be happy and live your life as best as you can. Don't feel like you shouldn't. You will meet again and it will be wonderful. While you are waiting for that, learn how to live again a little at a time.
I am going to buy the house of our dreams and move to where we planned. I have to go on as long as I am still here.
Good luck and hang in there.

Comment by michael sandoval on April 28, 2011 at 7:04pm

Dear Colleen, my condolences. My Denise only lived 5 months from diagnosis. Colon cancer. Spread everywhere. Skull, liver, kidneys. It's been 18 months and I'm still devistated. I don't think I will ever be the same.

Comment by Colleen Maurais on April 28, 2011 at 6:44pm

Hi All,  I am new to this group and I recently lost my husband to lung cancer one month ago.  He only made it six months from the day he was diagnosed.  We found out just after his 50th birthday party.  There were no warning signs until he started to cough and feel tired. By the time we found out, it was already stage 4. (Sept 2010) It was in his bones, liver and brain.  We did try chemo, radation and he had just started a drug called Tarceva, which is suppose to help, but he had lots of blood clots and that was what eventually made him pass away at home during the night. I remember him calling me to help him get up, but he never made it up and by the time the EMT's got there, he had stopped breathing.  It's a memory I will never forget.  The only thing I am greatful for is that I was home and it didn't happen when I was at work.  I miss him so much!!  Each day get's a little better, but I still cry a lot and it hurts that I can't touch, hold or grow old together. My cat is my savior right now.  I am going to counseling, which helps, but it stinks being alone in the house we created together over 17 years.  Everywhere I look, I see "us".  I never thought in a million years that I would be typing these words.  I wish I knew he was okay. 

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on April 28, 2011 at 3:46pm

Anniversaries are hard for all of us, weather it is a week, a month or 6 months or a year.  Birthdays are hard, and wedding anniversaries, too, holiday and other special events.  We do have to move on for our own sakes, and I often think what would Don (DH) want for me?  I try to let go of my anger and grief when I feel like crying and I allow myself to let it out, it helps.  I might be sobbing into a pillow, or just walking around the house sobbing and crying, but it is a release - and it's also exhausting!  It's hard to replace sad thoughts with happy ones, even though at some point it might help to remember the good times.  But Arielle, if you are having panic attacks, I would find someone to talk to about it - a support group or a good therapist, if I may be so bold as to suggest it.  Many hospices offer support groups to survivors. 

This is also a place you can vent and I sympathize with you.  You are not alone, even if it sometimes feels that way. Like you, I wish no one ever had to deal with this.  Best 

Cynthia

Comment by Arielle on April 28, 2011 at 3:27pm

Thank you Barbra. I wish none of us had to go through it.

Comment by Barbra Ingrassia Fairman on April 27, 2011 at 5:34pm

Arielle- I know just how you feel...It was just a year for me...losing my brother to brain cancer. I am there right now. My brother also has 2 young kids. His son was 8 and daughter 6 when he died.I just miss my old life and who I used to be. I want to let go of some of the bad thoughts and the anger, yet I can't,not now. My sister in law moved on quickly. That only adds to all the bad. This is truly a process because lately I've been feeling like it is ok to let some of it go. It doesn't go far but enough so I could start to get excited about some stuff, like a upcoming family camping trip.I'm telling myself that my brother could hitch a ride and come with me, still experience things through me, through his kids and through the rest of his family and friends. Let's face it.... we were robbed, all of us left behind. I know my brother would want me to move on but he would also want me to keep missing him and when I think of that I laugh. So maybe I am moving on in this process, but reading what your going through just touches me because I know just how you feel.Keep moving forward and know that you are not alone.

Comment by Arielle on April 27, 2011 at 2:16pm

today is seven months since i lost my brother. lately i have been having panic attacks. i feel sometimes like i will go insane, because i do not understand how can this be my reality now? i do not want to accept or let time heal. because i cannot bear to move on with my life without my big brother. i do not want to leave him behind, it is too cruel and unjust. terrible images and memories run constantly through my head. i try to replace them with happier ones, but the effort is just too exhausting sometimes. i am not able to distract myself enough, so instead i am becoming consumed by sadness and worry.

 

 

Comment by michael sandoval on April 19, 2011 at 7:23pm

Dear Denise,
dr Katz has put me on anti depressents and they seem to help with the sobbing. Remember the bird that flew onto your moms balcony and your sister Mavis bought that cage, and I got into the cage? Mavis named him Rico. He got loose and flew away. I miss you baby more and more. Smile on me baby, I love you.
Mike

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on April 17, 2011 at 7:12pm

so sorry for your loss Cynthia :)....I am glad it sounds like you were by his side when he passed, as I was for my mom.....she had noone, and I was there, the one person she loved most in the world....it was beautiful and sad at the same time

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