I lost my partner Jim on 26 Jun 09. Even though he had been quite ill in recents months I still expected him to pull through this last trip to the hospital. But this time round there were just too many things then went wrong and his body couldn't take it anymore. Jim lived in Chicago while I live in Singapore and I have been advised against visiting the US because of the H1N1 situation. Because being a diabetic put me at more risk than a healthy person to suffer more severely if I should get infected. His funeral will be held on Monday, 29 Jun 09 and I won't be there-that is so hard for me. Since his passing, I wake up every morning feeling this big gaping hole in my heart. I have this load of love inside me for Jim but he can no longer receive it.