Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by kathie goetsch on May 13, 2011 at 9:02pm

I understand Elaine....it has been a month since my mom passed away, and I honestly have not "allowed" myself to break down yet.....in fact, my dad passed away some 17 1/2 years ago...and I have yet to really mourn his death as well.......and it makes it even more difficult when there is estrangement between siblings as well....I truely feel I have no family and am alone......I should also mention that I was adopted at birth and am realizing my parents passing as an additional "abandonment"........I have never processed the whole "adoption issue", and now am also dealing with those problems.......most people do not understand though....

Permalink Reply by Elaine Ewalt on May 13, 2011 at 9:14pm

we seem to have a few things in common.  I lost my mom october 93.  my situation with my brother is his wife!  never could have an easy relationship with him because of her.  her brother had massive heart attack yesterday and died but I can't even call with my condolences.  they won't take my calls.  most of my extended family never even bothered to call when my dad died last week.  I know that feeling all too well now.  I can only imagine how you are feeling with being adopted and that abandonment issue.  I am so sorry.  have you searched for your birth family?

Permalink Reply by kathie goetsch on May 13, 2011 at 9:18pm

No, I haven't....to be honest, it never was a "big deal" until I had kids of my own (who are now 22 and 17 1/2).....didn't really hit me that they were my first (and only) blood relatives that I know of.........just wasn't an issue til then.....at this point (I am 51), I'm not sure there's a reason to look anymore

Permalink Reply by Elaine Ewalt on May 13, 2011 at 10:08pm

we are even close to the same age!  thank you for responding to me.  at least we have each other!

Permalink Reply by Diane A on June 1, 2011 at 4:05pm

I have been there with family members.  It is hard enough to deal with grief without people being upset with you.  My sister-in-law constantly calls and tells me what a horrible sister I am because I don't constantly call my brother and check on him.  Hello~ he's not the only one grieving here.  I'm the one that took care of my parents the last 13 yrs.  I didn't see any help coming form them then.  I don't mean to be ugly, but come on.... 

 

My dad died Feb 3, 2010.  Yesterday, I drove by a cemetery and saw the flags on the graves and I cried.  Just the simplest thing will bring me to tears at times and then there are other times that I feel numb.  It doesn't make sense.  Lots of people think "it's been a year - get over it."  I wish it were that easy.

 

Permalink Reply by Stefanie Parise on July 15, 2011 at 11:51pm

You are certainly not alone here. And don't worry - in time you'll be able to cry, though sometimes I wish I couldn't anymore. Much love and respect.