Thank you for placing the link to your film.  Admittedly it brought me to tears.  And you are right.  It is regret for all the things I should have said or might have said or all the things I still wanted time to be able to say.  Just to keep the connection going.  Instead all I feel is loss.  And I suffer still to this day..... soon to be 9 years later.  

I want to leave this earth and don't have the courage (as of yet) to take the plunge.  Surely not something you want to hear having a father who took his own life.  But I am suffering greatly and living without the man who made my heart beat I have coped with the pain the best I can.  

I used to be on this website day in and out pretty much. It was a lifeline for me.  Talked with many people who suffered the same as me losing a spouse.  I could bet that those of us who were here then for quite awhile still would be thrilled to leave earth.  Sometimes the pain is just so much to bear.  Now I stay to myself and try not to have to burden others with my inability to manage very well.  

I function better but I am not "living".  Those are two separate and distinct things.  But I do wish there was just more "time" that I would have had because I was so in tune with his world.  More time.......and now I wait as I have to believe that the cord between us is still there, just invisible.......