Ms. Jan, your loss touches me and makes me so sad.  I was there when my wife passed away - holding her, but we were at the ICU.  I can't fathom the pain and grief you are feeling.  Reach out and share with others here - we are stronger as a group than as individuals.   deeply and sincerely sorry for the loss of your love one.

There is a zoom support group meeting on mondays if you are interested.  it was met only twice but been a good experience for me.  Again, sincerely and deeply sorry for the loss of your husband and other half.