Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by bluebird on April 16, 2020 at 9:51am

Shane,
I'm sorry all that has happened to you. People here care, and we know what it's like to feel so alone. Are your stepchildren actually children? If so, they are likely having a very difficult time dealing with their mother's death, and should be taken to therapy. If they are adults the same may hold true, but in that case it's their own responsibility.
Have you considered therapy for yourself? Or perhaps speaking to a spiritual advisor, if you have someone like that and if you feel it would help you.
I'd recommend continuing to come here, as well. I have found it helpful.

Permalink Reply by Shane Hughes on April 16, 2020 at 10:02am

Daughter is an adult and married. Son is a senior in HS but is autistic. Son is staying with his fathers mom at the moment. 

With this virus stuff going on most therapy options are on hold for now. I contacted my doctors and they have put me on medication to help. As for spiritual leaders, I don't know if I can right now. Im so angry and frustrated with God as well as angry and drowning in guilt myself. Sometimes I wish someone would give the virus to me, that way It wouldn't be suicide and I can leave this hell and see my wife again. Then I think of my family back home and the kids, making me feel even more guilty for not wanting to be here anymore. I just don't understand how God can keep me here after ive done so much bad stuff in my younger years and attempted to take my life not once but twice, but can take someone so good.