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Life after multiple, consecutive losses
Hi everyone, I’m Frank, I’m new here. Thank you for welcoming me into this group. Here’s the short version of my situation: my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer in late 2007. Not that it matters, but for the record, she was a non-smoker and nobody in my family smoked. My parents were married for 60 years, I always say that this diagnosis blew my fathers mind. He had a stroke about two weeks later. My father died on March 1, 2008, and my mom three months later, in June of 2008. I didn’t know who to mourn first, I was shell shocked.
About a year and a half later, I was just starting to feel almost human again, and my best friend of 32 years walked into traffic on the Northern State Parkway, lay down in the road and took her own life. It was January, 2010. The adjectives the state troopers described the scene as or are so unfathomable, I will not go into detail here. A living nightmare. I had planned to grow old with her. We met when I was in first grade and she in third. At this point, I was 40 and she had turned 43 the week before she took her life.
13 months after this, my sister came out to all of us and told us that she had a purple mass on her chest. She had survived breast cancer about 18 years prior to this. Her cancer had been in remission, and she was completely consumed with caring for her husband, who has Parkinson’s disease. It was stage four cancer. She lived until September of the following year, her death was so gruesome, it was as if God said to me “you thought you know what death looks like, but this is what it really looks like.” It was stage four cancer. She lived until September of the following year, her death was so gruesome, it was as if God said to me “you thought you know what death looks like, but this is what it really looks like.“Almost as if he was pushing my face into a window.
So that was 2012, Labor Day weekend. And I’m just joining this group now.
I was driving home last night, on the Brooklyn Queens Expressway, looking at the Manhattan skyline, listening to Christmas music and all of a sudden I missed my family. Really just wished I could see them on Christmas. I realized that it took me over 10 years to let myself feel that particular feeling. I was thrown so much at once, I think I have been in survival mode for the last decade. I gained 10 pounds a year, I’m 100 pounds heavier, I’ve been in therapy consistently and try to work hard on myself, but the truth of the matter is, the only thing that really helps is time. I feel like I lost a decade of my life because I was a zombie. I lost the people I loved the most, and now I need to rebuild.
About a year and a half later, I was just starting to feel almost human again, and my best friend of 32 years walked into traffic on the Northern State Parkway, lay down in the road and took her own life. It was January, 2010. The adjectives the state troopers described the scene as or are so unfathomable, I will not go into detail here. A living nightmare. I had planned to grow old with her. We met when I was in first grade and she in third. At this point, I was 40 and she had turned 43 the week before she took her life.
13 months after this, my sister came out to all of us and told us that she had a purple mass on her chest. She had survived breast cancer about 18 years prior to this. Her cancer had been in remission, and she was completely consumed with caring for her husband, who has Parkinson’s disease. It was stage four cancer. She lived until September of the following year, her death was so gruesome, it was as if God said to me “you thought you know what death looks like, but this is what it really looks like.” It was stage four cancer. She lived until September of the following year, her death was so gruesome, it was as if God said to me “you thought you know what death looks like, but this is what it really looks like.“Almost as if he was pushing my face into a window.
So that was 2012, Labor Day weekend. And I’m just joining this group now.
I was driving home last night, on the Brooklyn Queens Expressway, looking at the Manhattan skyline, listening to Christmas music and all of a sudden I missed my family. Really just wished I could see them on Christmas. I realized that it took me over 10 years to let myself feel that particular feeling. I was thrown so much at once, I think I have been in survival mode for the last decade. I gained 10 pounds a year, I’m 100 pounds heavier, I’ve been in therapy consistently and try to work hard on myself, but the truth of the matter is, the only thing that really helps is time. I feel like I lost a decade of my life because I was a zombie. I lost the people I loved the most, and now I need to rebuild.
Views: 539
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on
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yep i get mean i do
my dad died in 2012
his unlee died 2011
ltconett to his dad
thn loss seams to foollrer it did
by 2013 go long 2012 wz lk a rolcotrsr of loss it
did
thn so did 2012
2913
2014
did
2015
did
2016
did
2017
did
2018
did
2019
did
just feal lk it
not
stoptt
it did
i get it
i do
i go to spirt churchh i still cry for dad but toget comfet to no his stil lnera me givs me grt comfrt
i justt wish id go 2 it yrs go i do i do
so i wud not of sleff descryct
sorry on yore mulit loss i am
1 hng i vlenrt i will nevr tell a person on how thy shud feal coz plent y pelall did it to me thy did only u no way u feal u do
on hear u can lss screamway on a blog or postt or a grouppp u can
sorry if sayin wong stuff i am
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Permalink Reply by Kathy West on
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I'm so sorry for your losses. I watched my Dad give up ad sink into depression after the death of my Mom and swore that I would never live like that. He remarried but truly mourned my Mom until he died, thirty years after her death. I pray that you will find a group, whether it be church or a support group in your community. It is helpful. After losing my Mom and my Dad, my husband was killed in a tragic car accident on November 6 of this year. It hurts deeply and I am still in the zombie/shock stage. It seems so surreal. I do plan to begin therapy and a support group soon. I have children and grandchildren that I need to live for...I will work hard to get through this but I know that my life and my heart will never be the same. We were married for 38 years...I loved him so.
I am praying for you and I hope that you find a group that can help you rebuild. Blessings!
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Permalink Reply by Josephine Crawford on
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Frank. I feel your pain. I had similar experiences, but I am still here and so are you Frank. Find your purpose and make every minute count.
Death is so final. Your story is touching. But, I am happy you reached out. This means you are ready for complete healing. Keep talking. Keep living. God is good and there is peace in Him.
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Hello
I would like to share with Everybody that I have been experiencing an Absolute True Miracle for the last 8 months.
With that most incredible Miracle comes a moral obligation to Share it with people and to Help people. To tell them that there is no death, that God and Angels are More True than we could imagine, and that God has only Love for Us and we should not be afraid of anything. Heaven is a place of Love, Peace and Beauty where we live beautiful lives with our loved ones.
I started writing a blog to share this Miracle with everyone
nodeathonlylove.wordpress.com
Kind Regards
God Bless
Anna
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