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Comment by Connie K on December 6, 2021 at 3:38pm

Hello dear Nanette. I see your post. I'm so very sorry fpr your devastating loss. I lost my only child, Daniel (I see that's your grandsons name) at age 17. That was 9 years ago this past Dec.1 I havent been on this site for a few years actually and saw your post in an e-mail. This is a difficult journey. It still hurts just as much some days as the day he left but I've learned to mange the grief. There are lessons you will learn along the way that are positive if you can even imagine that. You will be more loving and compassionate. What has gotten me through is the belief that my sweet child lives on in spirit. He is free and doing amazing things we cannot comprehend. I have received many undeniable messages from him and I try to keep my heart open to them. In the end all there is, is love and that never dies. It helps to try to do for others even when you can't do for yourself. Keep moving, take walks, take each day and be gentle with yourself. Don't feel you have to explain to anyone what you are feeling or how you express it. Those who have not experienced child loss just cannot understand. Fortunately because we know the pain is too great. So there will be some who are close to you who will drift away and that is normal. Another loss that goes along with it. It's sad. But that's why we are here for each other . Your grief is so fresh and at such a difficult time of year. Payers and big hugs to you/ Connie (Daniels mom)

Comment by Nanette on December 6, 2021 at 2:01pm

Does anyone out there see my post?  I am new at this and don’t know if I am proceeding correctly.  

i really need to connect with someone who has lost a child.

Thanks

Comment by Josephine Crawford on February 19, 2020 at 4:46pm

Thanks Ammy. I sometimes feel guilty when I am happy. Yes it takes time. Continued to all.

Comment by Sue M on February 17, 2020 at 3:11pm

Hello mommas 

Nice to have your words and well wishes here. We all know this journey all too well. There are days u dread as well, and on those days we all have, we just need to be very gentle with ourselves. That's something I'm learning to do, as well as choose happiness when I can. I know my son wants that for me. 

Sending you all a big hug. 

Sue

Comment by Teresa D. on February 14, 2020 at 7:44pm

Support is always here when you need it. Hugs to all.

Comment by Ammy on February 14, 2020 at 7:36pm

Thank you Josephine.  I agree that we need to be able to laugh, but it usually takes time for that to start.  I honestly feel good when I can laugh at something or with someone.  It's like a medicine, but it took time for me to enjoy laughter.
I am sorry that you are already dreading Sunday, but I understand.  These dates are forever hard and never forgotten.
I hope that the angels will sing to DeMarco on his special day, but I don't think it will really matter to him. Take comfort in that.  I'm sure he is at peace and waiting just as we all are for that day we will all be together again.
Hugs and prayers for you and all the moms that are here.

Comment by Josephine Crawford on February 14, 2020 at 5:16pm

Teresa, Ammy and Sue,
I understand and share your pain. Yes, I too feel like a different version of myself and going forward has been a struggle.

Ladies, they would have wanted us to be happy. I sometimes feel guilty when I find myself laughing. But, I must laugh and cry too. It is all apart of my life experiences and the way I respond.

It is wonderful that we can connect this way. Let us keep supporting each other. DaMarco would have been 22 years Sunday February 16 and I am dreading the day. I would have given up anything just to hear his voice again. Anything just to hug him. The Master had a different plan.

Ladies, I wish for you peace and complete happiness as we reflect on our loved ones. Peace my sisters. Peace.

Comment by Sue M on February 14, 2020 at 8:56am

Hello Ammy and Teresa

isnt this odd, I woke this morning thinking of my son Corey, as I do and thought also of this group and that it didn't seem anyone was here anymore. I'm new and don't know you both, but I know and share your pain. I too have lost me, I too wear the mask. It slipped yesterday when I broke my rule of talking to a stranger of him. I felt shell shocked and stunned and deeply wounded the rest of the day and could hardly function. I woke this morning, if you could call that sleeping last night and thought of my son and how I haven't felt him with me. 

I miss him so much, his wisdom, his humour, the way he said hi to me, so distinctive and warm, we could talk for hours and about everything and it would leave me feeling warm and fuzzy. I felt loved by him. 

He took his life, I was out of the country, I wasn't there. The pain of that will never leave me. 

Im grateful to see you both this morning, knowing we are bonded in our deep understanding of what our lives are like now and what we feel. 

Big hugs from me, Sue

Comment by Ammy on February 14, 2020 at 8:48am

Teresa, I do remember you and about your son Michael.  I hope the angels sing him the lovliest birthday song today and I can only pray that somehow you can find some peace today.  I know how hard these dates are.  I even still have harder days every Wednesday, I counted them up until last year sometime.  Had to try and make myself stop and try to move on, but will still remember often how many weeks it has been.  Too many now.  500 this past Wednesday.  And I wonder how can that be.  
I'm happy for you that you made a good friend.  I also am blessed that I connected with someone on here and we also consider ourselves 'sisters'.  It does help because no one that hasn't lived through this can truly understand.
Hugs and prayers.  May the Lord give you comfort.

Comment by Teresa D. on February 14, 2020 at 8:05am

Today is Valentine's Day, it would have been Michael's 37th Birthday.  It's been 7 years and I'm sitting here melting down.

The first two years, are a blur. All I remember is crying and hurting to my core.  I also don't know how I got to and from locations because I would stare at the guard rail and think one quick turn of the steering wheel and I could end this misery.  But then I would think of my daughter and how mad she would be at me. But I still had those thoughts the next day.

It took me 3 years to have what I called my "reality moment" that was the moment that I had to admit to myself that Michael, my son my baby, was dead.  It was also the moment I stopped trying to negotiate with God.  Every night I went to sleep begging and pleading for his return and every morning I woke up disappointed. 

Here it is 7 years later, still can't function on the day he came or the day he left.  

I've learned to wear the fake face, even though it cracks on occasion.  I'm still working on managing the pain, haven't master it at al.

Every time I have to attend one of my nieces or nephews weddings or baby shower, I always end up running away to cry.  My family doesn't get me anymore and doesn't seem to know the old me is never returning.

Ammy your right...you run out of words and feel repetitive.  This group helped me a lot in the beginning.  I did connect with someone from this site and to this day we are great friends.  I call her my sister and I just couldn't survive this without her.  

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY TO MY MICHAEL!!!! MOMMY LOVES AND MISSES YOU BUDDY!!! I MISS YOUR VOICE, I MISS YOUR LAUGHTER, I MISS OUR LONG CONVERSATIONS, HELL I JUST MISS ALL OF YOU!

Hugs to everyone....

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