This is an entry that I wrote in my personal journal. I'm adding them to begin my blog.

Our son chose suicide in the early morning hours on Friday, April fifth of this year (2019). As is always the case in these situations, my wife and I have many questions. Many of those questions will never be answered, simply because Phil isn’t here to answer them. Of the others, I’m sure we’ll eventually figure out the answers.

We’ve been through those first hard days already. The ones where there is no hope, and when everything just seems black. We live each day with a big hole in our hearts and yet we continue on, understanding that grieving is a process and one that’s different for everyone. And one that takes time.

We seem to take one step forward on one day and then fall back into our darker grief the next day, but slowly as the mind gains the ability to accept our tragedy, it will calm. Slowly those memories that are so painful now will become fond memories. Slowly that big old hole in our hearts will scab over and we will be able to honor our son by remembering his kindness to others, his endless desire to offer help to anyone who might need it. His laugh that lit up his whole face like the sun and yes, a heart so big that it had room for everyone he cared about and even some he didn’t.

I come here with an understanding of what’s happening to us. Sometimes understanding alone       isn’t enough to fill the void, so I came here. I’ve always been a strong advocate of support and believe that when several people unite together with a common goal that it benefits everyone involved.

And so like all of you, I move on into a strange new world. One that’s just a little emptier than before but still one worth living.

My wife and I still have a few events ahead such as the return of our sons remains, the memorial to celebrate his life and currently the most pressing one. His birthday would’ve been April 17th (today). He would’ve been thirty-five.  

My hope is to come here and chronicle my grief as I move ever onward to my new normal. And for all of you who have experienced this, I grieve for you with an understanding of having “been there”.

My hope is that together we can help to mend each others broken hearts and perhaps come out on the other side stronger and with hope for the future again.

Thanks for listening.

Chuck