Today is different for me and yet it isn’t. During the night when I woke, I could feel sadness though it didn’t seem to be a focused sadness. It was just there. And then I ended up having what I think was something like a panic attack. We were prescribed a very weak dose of an antianxiety med by our doctor so I took one of those and was able to sleep at last!

But in a way, I just put off what I was feeling and so today is again a sad day. My…

 This is the second thing I wrote in my journal a few days ago.

On this day that would have been our sons birthday, I find that I cannot celebrate his life quite yet because I’m still grieving him. It’s only been twelve days since he left us and at times it still feels like he’s here.

A brief flash in the corner of the eye that looks like him. The simple glance to his bedroom door…

This is an entry that I wrote in my personal journal. I'm adding them to begin my blog.

Our son chose suicide in the early morning hours on Friday, April fifth of this year (2019). As is always the case in these situations, my wife and I have many questions. Many of those questions will never be answered, simply because Phil isn’t here to answer them. Of the others, I’m sure we’ll eventually figure out the answers.…