Losing my mom at my age

I lost my mom January 18th 2017. She was only 46 years old. She was sick all last year. She has been hospitalized multiple times. She was on home oxygen all the time. I seen all her pain and hurt. She woke up and couldn't breath. So i would have to call the paramedics for her. I did everything with and for her. I am only 24 years old and she was helping me raise my daughter since i found out i was pregnant. My daughter is now five years old. My mom and daughter were best friends. They were so close and loved each other so much! I feel like my daughter is going to forget about her. She doesn't really grasp what happened to her grama and when she talks about her it is hard for me. I don't know what to say to her.

I come home and look for my mom. I even think that all of this is unreal. I spent all my time with my mom besides if i was at work. I am so glad she isn't in anymore pain but now I'm the one in pain. Everyday i try and pretend everything is OK. I try to pretend that im fine but in all reality im a mess. I feel like i have no outlet. Im at work and can't really grief for my mom. I come home and my daughter is with me and i don't want to upset her. I dont know how to cope. My mom was always so cheerful and always been positive. I wish i can become like her she has so much strength, hope, faith, love, she nevee judged, she never looked down on people, she would give her last dollars to people in need. She always wanted to see others happy no matter what. I feel like this is unfair i am only 24 years old i need my mom.

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Permalink Reply by BLUEBELL on February 21, 2017 at 9:21am

I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through. I may be wrong as I am no expert, but I think it is okay to grieve and cry in front of your daughter. She knows her Grandmother is gone and it may help her express her own feelings of loss if she sees it is okay to do so. 

Perhaps too, you could research and find a grief support group in the area you live in. Sometimes it helps to be with people that are going through the same things that you are. Being alone with your feeling and not having an outlet may lead to acute depression. Your daughter needs you. It is important to take care of yourself first in order to be able to take care of her.

I have heard it takes at least 2 years to mourn the loss of a parent. I think the pain lessens during those 2 years, but it is still there. It may take longer for you because it sounds like she not only was your mother, she was a good friend and you admired her. You also were her caregiver for the past year, so you probably have to adjust to no longer having that role.

Take care Raina. I lost my Mom on Valentines Day, so I have some idea what you are going through.

Best regards and many hugs,

Bluebell

Permalink Reply by Raina2012 on February 21, 2017 at 9:50am
Everyone tells me to be strong and stay positive and keep moving forward in life. And it makes me mad. Why does everyone act like its no big deal!? They act if its wrong for me to be sad or hurting. They think i can wake up and just be happy just like that. I can't just be happy. I tell myself, "im going to be strong" thats what my mom would want but especially in those times i feel like crying my eyes out.

I try to be positive and take it a day at a time but at every end of the day when im home from work all of this hurt hits me. I cant pretend that everything is ok when its not, yes at work i do because i work with children and can't spend all day crying. One song, one little memory, one thought of my mom makes me want to break down. I have no real joy in my life.
Permalink Reply by Raina2012 on February 21, 2017 at 9:50am
Im sorry to hear about your mom. Im here whenever you need to talk.
Permalink Reply by BLUEBELL on February 21, 2017 at 10:42am

Thank you Raina. The loss of my Mom is still very fresh and painful. We brought her home and that is where she passed away. I keep running her last few moments in my head, wondering if maybe if I had made different choices for her, she would still be alive. She trusted my judgment, and part of me thinks I let her down.

I hope you find a few moments of joy in your life during this very hard time. If not, know that you are honoring your Mother and missing her each time you cry and feel sad.

You loved and depended on her. Now you are supposed to be the adult. But inside you have a little girl that wants to be comforted by her mother, but she is no longer there for you. Find another way to comfort yourself. I do not know what that will be. Only you know how to find it.

Take care. I will be here for you the best way I can right now.

Bluebell

Permalink Reply by Raina2012 on February 21, 2017 at 4:16pm
You didn't fail your mom. You cant keep thinking if you did this or if you did that. That will not help you. You did the best you could do. I feel like our parents would have passed away. In the end my mom struggled daily to breath. This past year she struggled everyday. I know she fought for me and my sisters and her grandkids. She was always willing to help even if she didn't feel well. I know in my heart she wanted to be with me. And same with your mom.

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