Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Michael on January 25, 2017 at 6:34pm

Many of us wish we could die - in our sleep. Your situation is dire, im sorry you are being evicted. Is there a gofundme account?

Permalink Reply by Richard Rivera on January 25, 2017 at 7:22pm

Michael
There's a link in my previous entries. I updated it based on my new situation. Thanks for thinking of me. It's appreciated.

Permalink Reply by Richard Rivera on January 26, 2017 at 1:17pm

Knock on the door today again look like this time police officer was trying to serve me my papers for my eviction. I didn't answer the door and they left. I wish my wife was with me right now. together we would have faced anything. so tired this morning. I am trying to find a reason to stay alive. Again, my wife gone, jobless, penniless. No children to worry over, my grotesque obesity which has my groin dangling and in pain. I tried walking and I saw stars when the pain came back. Barely made up the stairs. Good God, the life , what little we had is really over.

I tried grieving group. But those in the group had jobs, homes, family and I kept hearing each say "thank god I had my children to lean on during my grieving."

I was the only who didn't have a tenth of their blessings. I have to sneak at night to get food at the local shelter. Sometimes I managed to get there most other times I can't due to that damn pain in walking.

I've made the choice that when they come for me to throw me out, I'll accept it. Then god willing, my wife will come and pull me from this world to the next. I feel joy when I think about it but sad that it hasn't happened yet. I truly believe in the afterlife. And that we're greeted by those we loved who passed on before us.

Annette waits for me. And I have no hate, no bitterness. When they knock and take me out I told Annette the only thing I leave with will be the love and excitement of knowing we'll once again be in each other's arms.

I'm going to go out now in the daylight without concern if they see me and serve the papers. Annette is at my side. And together we'll fight the good fight,

I think that's a good thing.

Permalink Reply by Richard Rivera on January 26, 2017 at 5:00pm

A hopeful sign my brother met woman who works for the government and says she wants to see my resume with the possibility of finding me a job I'm supposed to do this tonight so I'm going to send my resume to her she supposedly is a very important VP.

Also the police showed up at my apartment apparently someone was worried about me hurting myself which is weird. I'm still grieving and someone cared and worried about me.

I appreciate the concern. I'm hoping I will nail a new job soon enough so that I can finally save up money and move out of this apartment just as Annette and I planned originally . We always talked about retiring in California and I'll take her with me if I could just get this job.

I'm going to keep my fingers crossed and hope that I will get this job. Annette is there beside me.

I going to go and write my letter of introduction and submit my resume for the first time I'm feeling excited over a job!

I know I will never remarry. I will someday as with all of us we will be with our loved ones. They say that our loved ones see us every day. I believe that.

I will post how well I do on the job interview.

Wish me luck

Permalink Reply by Michael on January 26, 2017 at 5:09pm

Best of luck Richard

Permalink Reply by rachel_micele on January 26, 2017 at 9:49pm

I really hope this will bring about something for you! You absolutely deserve it.

Permalink Reply by morgan on January 27, 2017 at 1:58am

All the best of luck Richard.  

We never do know what the universe will send us do we?  Here's wishing on your star Annette, she is there beside you.  

Permalink Reply by Richard Rivera on January 26, 2017 at 10:36pm

Thank you all of you I will keep you updated regardless .

Permalink Reply by bluebird on January 28, 2017 at 12:42pm

Good luck Richard -- I do hope it works out for you.

Permalink Reply by Richard Rivera on January 28, 2017 at 6:16pm

I hope so too. it's a funny thing, I still wake up screaming out my wife's name. I have tremors that don't stop and My chest feels heavy. I was the sick one. My wife took me to the hospital twice when I had my staff infection and I was on antibiotics for three months. doctors said that I was lucky. then she dies out of the blue without any warning. It's so unfair I'm only alive because I had to walk go to work even in the pain. Since I have been out of work for so long my health has gotten worse. I have to hope that when I go to the interviews that I walk normally otherwise I won't be hired. They see me as an employee who can't do the job so I have to be very alert and make sure I walk without sweating from the pain and wheezing which is what I'm doing now. I just wish I had my old life back. I wish every night every day things were back the way they were. Annette and I were rarely apart. No matter what I do in my life, I will always feel alone. Any success Will be an empty success without her to share in it. As I write this the lights are off it's night and the silence is deafening. I'm going to bed early as I plan to try and exercise tomorrow by walking again .

Permalink Reply by Richard Rivera on February 1, 2017 at 11:18am

Anne/Everyone:

I'm still by myself. I find myself sitting outside every day waiting for the sun to go down. I'm waiting to see if unemployment will give me something but it looks grim.

My brother who I was estranged from has helped me enormously. Brought food and clean clothes. We've reconciled so that's good.

Bad news is my health has gotten worse and pain when walking has reached new heights. I've advised my brother to please check on me since I have sleep apnea. Annette always was there to make I was breathing. Now I have to rely on myself.

I still wake up nights screaming for Annette. I go to bed early around 7 as there's not much food and sleeping early offsets the hunger when the fridge is empty.

The funeral parlor which took care of my wife called and asked when I wanted to have Annette's memorial service. With a price of $500 to be paid to the church and me left penniless I explained I couldn't .

Now I'm back outside as I write this. I dream Annette's beside me sitting and watching the sun . With her i was wealthier than any millionaire . Being poor for us wasn't a bad thing because we were profoundly in love.

I'm hoping my time on earth will pass briefly and Annette and I will be sitting together watching the sun set once again. Until then I'm going to tell her every day I love her until old age or poor health takes me.

In the meantime I think I'll feed pigeons, keep trying to walk and learn that times passes quickly.

I'll let you know how things turn out.

Rich

Permalink Reply by bluebird on February 1, 2017 at 2:14pm

Richard,

I'm glad your brother is helping you, and that the two of you have reconciled. Don't be afraid to lean on him for support (emotional, financial). 

Perhaps your brother could speak to the funeral parlor for you and work out a low cost memorial service, and maybe the church would waive their fee if your circumstances were explained to them.

{{{{hugs}}}}

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