Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Michael on December 24, 2016 at 9:00am

Yes I am experiencing back pain that I never felt before.

Permalink Reply by Louise on December 24, 2016 at 10:02am

You're not alone. I also get headaches, and chest pains, my heart feels like it's being squeezed sometimes or the pain can be sharp and stabbing and I get shoulder pain too. My back aches and I always have a jittery stomach and feel sick, sometimes I am sick. It's exhausting.

Permalink Reply by Sabrina on December 24, 2016 at 4:47pm

I have the same symptoms since my husband died 9 weeks ago. Heart palpitations, headaches, back pain, etc... I'm exhausted constantly! You are not alone!

Permalink Reply by Pamela philipp on December 25, 2016 at 11:31am

Yes Denise I have been experiencing panic stacks every time I walk into a grocery store or when I'm out in public anywhere my heart starts racing I feel like I can't breathe and I need just to get out of wherever I'm at and get home

Permalink Reply by Michael on December 25, 2016 at 11:38am

Weird. The grocery store does that to me too.

Permalink Reply by Louise on December 25, 2016 at 3:04pm

Yeah same here, weird huh? Maybe it's something to do with the incredibly bright fluorescent lighting they all seem to have which makes you feel like everyone can see everything and you're wide open to scrutiny. For me it's the fact that I always did everything with my husband, we always planned our meals and went shopping together. Also, now, I am only buying for one which brings it home that he is really gone. Also one of the last things I did with my husband was go food shopping the night before he died.

Permalink Reply by Pamela philipp on December 25, 2016 at 3:51pm

Louise it's the same for me my husband and I always did everything together also buying for one like you said hits home that he's really gone then for me the store becomes so overwhelmingly huge I can't breathe I have to get out

Permalink Reply by Louise on December 25, 2016 at 4:43pm

Yes, that is so true. I start hyperventilating and worry I'm going to start bawling my eyes out. It's horrible isn't it?

Permalink Reply by Denise on December 25, 2016 at 12:12pm

Michael, Louise, Sabrina, and Pamela - thank you so much for your replies. This is just confirmation that I am not losing my mind or that I have developed a hideous disease. There are so many layers of grief beyond the intense pain and loneliness from the loss of our loved ones. May we all find some minutes of peace and lessening of pain through this season.

Permalink Reply by Louise on December 25, 2016 at 3:06pm

You're very welcome. It's scary when you get chest pains and can't breathe properly. No one ever told me grief could be so physical. All my love to you x

Permalink Reply by morgan on December 25, 2016 at 8:03pm

All the physical symptoms of grief are manifested when the body is under such stress.  At the beginning not only did I have heart stutters but about five months into my grief I started smelling burning wires when I would cry.  I realize now it was just another reaction my body had.  I figure it was me burning up some brain cells.  I also ended up losing gobs of hair.  That lessened after about a year and half but during the time it was happening it was quite frightful.  Washing my hair was scary.  I also lost 35 ponds and still have no real appetite.  I look emaciated like some starving refugee.  MY skin has thinned and veins are prominent now on my hands and up my arms.  Lack of basic nutrition and an attitude of I don't care.

All along I have had anxiety.  Sometimes worse than others but continues to this day.  I get to the point still where I feel like I want to throw up.  I have to judge when I eat and how much so I don't end up nauseous.  Even without food, it can just come on me.  

At the beginning which was for me about two years, I would go to a store or supermarket, the bank or the post office and end up sitting on a shelf somewhere bawling my eyes out.  It didnt matter to me.  I didnt and still don't care.  I'll never forget the first trip I made to the supermarket where I ended up face pressed against the freezers, wedged as close in  the corner as I could, crying my eyes out.  I couldn't move or I would have run out of the store.  As soon as I gained enough composure to move thats exactly what I did.  Four years later I can avoid a lot of the more public breakdowns mainly because I try to avoid going anywhere I don't have to.  I have chosen to be as reclusive as I possibly can.  That way I avoid having to explain or experience.  

Just last night at Walmart I had a mini breakdown.  When people ask what's wrong and you say my husband died and they ask how long ago and you say four years you want to shoot yourself on the spot because they look at you like you are some sort of freak.  Grief has been so minimized over the years by the psychiatrists and psychologists the symptoms so compartmentalized its as though we cut our finger and it needs to scab over.  Yeah right.

If nothing else this futile journey has taught me to be more compassionate than ever before towards those who carry emotional baggage of any kind.  From abuse, to trauma, to mental health issues.  I also know I am amongst those here who can understand and can support my own struggles on this website.  I read daily and post when I have the energy.  

To those who are in the early days of grief.... sharing how you are feeling is one of the better ways of unloading some of the pain.  It's not a panacea but it helps to know that others are going through the exact same emotions and that you are not abnormal for feeling the way you do.  I am so appreciative of everyone who posts here.  It just makes me know that losing my husband was (and remains) the most debilitating event of my life.  I can only hope we all find some small amount of calm from the turmoil of now having to be alone and just staying afloat is all that can be expected.  Take care everyone.......

Permalink Reply by Michael on December 25, 2016 at 8:22pm

So I made it to my brother's house for the holiday. I hadnt been put of my house except for 2 nites around my birthday in the nearly 3 months since Roxanne died. I actually was driving around without utter anxiety and spent some time at my uncle's Christmas Eve. Today, however, the plan was to visit his in laws. They party like its 1999. About 30 people crammed into a little two rooms. Too much for me. I went back to brother's house. He told me he would be back soon with a plate of food. By around 8 i was hungry and there was pretty much no food here so i made a pb&j sandwich. Merry Christmas! I have to say, though, that human contact has helped (just that the dinner party was too much). Soon, back to my isolation. I kind of fear it.

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