I Canʻt Do This....

This is one of those days where I feel like "I canʻt do this."  I lost my 18 year old in a car accident almost three months ago. I teach where he went to school, and so everyday I encounter countless memories of him. I loved my job before - and probably I still do, but my heart hurts in every way: physically, metaphorically, spiritually. I know there are many people who love me, who loved him, and they genuinely feel bad, but they all have moved on, of course, and I just canʻt. I have other kids, a husband, parents,  all these students, and, today, right now, all I can think of is him and how he is not here.

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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on November 18, 2016 at 3:40pm

so sorry on yore loss i no memrys can be bad or gud thy can

Permalink Reply by Nb on November 18, 2016 at 3:46pm

Thank you...yes, sometimes memories are very good.

Permalink Reply by Dennis C. on November 19, 2016 at 7:21am
NB

I am so sorry for your loss.

I would suggest that you are not so hard on yourself. You are grieving. This is still a very new experience. Your life has dramatically changed in unspeakable ways. The emptiness caused by the loss of your son will never be filled. The pain can last for a lifetime.

I know a mother who lost her daughter at the age of 14. 60 years later this loving mother still sheds tears at certain times. She still feels the loss. She still feels the pain. She has learned how to navigate through life with this issue but It did not permanently paralyze her. (It did for a while)

One thing that helps me is a clear HOPE that I have for the future. I believe that I will be reunited with my loved ones in the future. I try to focus on that, even through the pain. I also believe that our reunion will take place here on earth in paradise.

If there is anything I can do to help you, or comfort you, or give you HOPE please let me know.
Permalink Reply by Nb on November 19, 2016 at 12:45pm
Thank you, Dennis. I do hope to be reunited with my son, but some moments it feels too long to contemplate. Other moments are easier.
Permalink Reply by Michael on November 19, 2016 at 9:21am
I feel like "i can't do this" every day.
Permalink Reply by Nb on November 19, 2016 at 12:48pm
I'm sorry for your loss, Michael.
Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on November 19, 2016 at 12:53pm

sad thng is i remrb bad 1s most i do memrys i do 

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