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Permalink Reply by bluebird on October 18, 2016 at 8:49pm

I don't know how much my suggestions will help, but I will make a couple that might work for you and your daughter.

1. Maybe the two of you could just focus on other people for one or both of the holidays -- volunteer at a shelter or a food pantry, one of those places that needs people to help serve Thanksgiving and/or Christmas dinner, or organize a food and/or holiday present drive, or both. Try to make the holidays better for other people (if you have the emotional wherewithal to do so -- personally I do not, so if you and/or your daughter don't either, don't feel guilty about it). Maybe take over the candy and so forth for Halloween at the Boys and Girls club, in your husband's name?

2. And/or (for one or both of the holidays), you could just have a very small family event -- just you and her, or include her spouse/kids if she has them, and her siblings if you have other kids, etc.  Just a small gathering, very low-key, where no one is "expected" to be happy and cheery, and can just be however s/he actually is.  If you feel up to it, you could talk about your husband, tell loving stories about things he did in life, remember small moments, stuff like that.

Whether you choose to do some of what I've mentioned, or you find another way, I hope you are able to have some peace this upcoming holiday season.

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Permalink Reply by pamela winmill on October 19, 2016 at 4:39pm

Every year i put decorations all over the house at christmas, Russ cooked dinner and all the family came over, i cant face it this year he played Father Christmas for 25 years and a lady i know  was upset when i said i would not be doing it this year, she said Russ would want me to do it, i replied Russ would never want me  to do anything that would upset or  distress me, and i will not be bullied anymore by these morons i have had 200 days of it and everyday is getting worse, i now only see people i know i can trust that dont treat me like a leper or talk to me like an idiot, my heart and love goes to all of you who like me are suffering the heartbreaking loss of our loved one s xxx

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Permalink Reply by Ruthie on October 20, 2016 at 9:39am

Wow I could not even imagine some one asking you to do that--I am sorry. Yes, the understanding of this dark life we are enduring is not even imaginable to some. Hugs to you.

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Permalink Reply by Ruthie on October 19, 2016 at 1:57pm

Thanks for responding bluebird--some great ideas.  I do feel best when I am helping others. Usually on Christmas Day we went to our Daughters house and it was just the four of us--so it will be small and her husband is so understanding.  Thanks for taking the time for me:)

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Permalink Reply by bluebird on October 19, 2016 at 3:04pm

You're very welcome. I'm glad I could help. :)

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