Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Mundae Leigh Burnette on November 30, 2010 at 7:40am

I know exactly how u feel. I am told by everyone around me to move on, to date, to meet people that I am too young. I am not ready. Maybe there isn't a too long. Maybe its whatever u feel and when your heart is ready then things will be different or feel different. I still look for him or wait for him. I turn to speak to him. I'm just not ready to let him go. So I do understand how u feel

Permalink Reply by Tammy on December 14, 2010 at 12:02pm

I wish it was as easy to move on as the song says, but my husband and mother died! I didn't get a divorce, my husband is not out of town and my Mom did not forget her cellphone while she went shopping. For the first few months after my husband died, I kept waiting for him to walk through the door. I knew he was gone, but it still felt like a nightmare and I would wake up. It's now been a year and while I don't share my feelings with others the way I used to, my heart is still broken and I feel dead inside. People expect you to move on after a year, although my Mom has only been gone 8 months, but I have learned that the world does not stop for my grief and it makes people uncomfortable after awhile. I would do anything to end this pain, but it doesn't seem realistic to me that my mourning would end on a certain date or time. I imagine it won't always hurt this much and I won't always be so debilitated by my grief. I have a friend, who said that the pain doesn't end, you just learn to live with it. That's all I want and to be functional again.

Permalink Reply by Crystal M on December 15, 2010 at 4:37pm

Lilly,

I am so sorry about your loss. I couldn't imagine losing my fiance, it's something I don't think I could handle. My cousin Judy passed away when she was 36 and left a husband and three daughters. I was only 13 at the time and I didn't know how to help my cousins. They were destroyed, their mom was their everything and her husband had to become what she was on top of being a father. He was so in love with her and he felt hopeless. He did wonderful though. All of his daughters have made families and is very involved in all of their lives. It took him 5 years to even think about dating. The first date that he went on, he said that all he could talk about was Judy. It took him a couple more years to date someone for more than a couple of weeks. He had a little bit of a relationship for a few months, but I think that he ultimately couldn't do it. He is still single and he still has pictures of Judy up in the house and my cousins tell me that they still talk about her with him. Everyone grieves differently and there is no time limit for it. Those who tell you to move on don't understand. My niece Issy passed away 3 years ago in January and I still cry for her and I think of her everyday. I still long to cuddle with her and play hide and seek like we always did. The death of those closest to us is very hard and it takes a long time to heal. The only way that it would be unhealthy is if you didn't grieve or you grieved by hurting yourself or others. I hope that things get easier for you, and although I hate the saying "time heals all wounds", I believe that time does make us stronger and eases the pain.  

Permalink Reply by Julie Dolsey-Weiss on July 8, 2011 at 6:02pm

I sympaththy with you, i divorced my husband, and live with daily regret of it.  We are very close and the possibility of remarriage is there. I wish i could un do what damage i have done but i can not.  I do not know how to try but i am going to start counseling to try, life is too short and he has forgiven me but i do not know how to forgive myself for the things i have done.

 

Emotionally we move on when we are ready but often get stuck and need a little help.  Because like me we get caught in the past and are not living our lives to the fullest. Everybody here cares and supports you it is hard to let go.