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Permalink Reply by Melissa T on July 28, 2016 at 10:25am

Lost my only child, my daughter on May 20th, 2008, she died from a methadone overdose, she was 15 and the love of my life. I can tell you it gets better with time, but I can also say that a day does not pass that I do not cry with such an ache in my heart for her loss. In the beginning I remember scaring myself and probably anyone who may have heard me the first time I actually cried, I was wondering where this sound was coming from, it sounded like someone was mortally wounded, and that's when I realized it was coming from me and when it was over I was exhausted, it had blindsided me out of no where, and would continue to do so for the next several months. I remember the first time it happened to me when I was driving and had my best friend in my car, I felt it coming this time and all I could do was say cover your ears and how sorry I was as I pulled off the road, when it was over all he could say was "does that happen often?" and hugged me. It doesn't really happen like that anymore, thankfully, but on occasion it still drops me to my knees from the heartache. My daughter would have been 24 this November, so our daughters were close to the same age. I often wonder what she would have grown up to be like, if she would have gone on to do what she had planned at 15, which was going to the Naval Academy and after graduating from there going on to law school, it wouldn't have mattered to me what she did as long as she did the best she could and was happy with herself. 

Just know that as much as it aches now it does get better with time, it never really goes away anymore than the memories we have of our kids, but it becomes tolerable, and there will be light at the end of the tunnel, you learn to live with this hole in your heart, and your life is different, but it can still be lived with joy and happiness in a new way, in a way your daughter would want for you, in memory of her. There are a lot of good groups of people going through the same types of grief, find one you like they help, and most people can't really understand what you're going through unless they've been there it seems. I'm sorry for your loss, it's the hardest thing in the world, I go on because my daughter would have been so mad if I hadn't.

Permalink Reply by Lana G. on July 28, 2016 at 1:33pm

Melissa T, thank you for support and sorry for your loss 8 years ago, it's very painful.  

Permalink Reply by Clem on June 12, 2017 at 2:54pm

I now know what people mean when they say you lose a part of your soul when your child dies. Our son died at age 31 alone at a rest area in his tractor trailer of an overdose 5/1/17. We thought he was doing well for years. One mistake cost him the rest of his life (and ours). I question myself daily if I could have influenced him to not use if I only called or texted him that day. Not a day goes by that I don't cry knowing I will never see or hear him again. I play old saved voice mails he left just to hear his voice. I am so so sorry for your loss and feel all your pain. I only hope he is in a better place and not plagued by constant anxiety, physical torment and temptation to use. I hope your daughter is as well at peace and in a better place (though the better place would be back here with us).