That is how I feel today like I am living in a nightmare only I can't be woken from it because it is my life now, my husband is gone and I am empty and lonely, I keep seeing him in my head, talking to him in my head, trying to hear his voice in my head but it is mine saying his words. I keep replaying the ambulance people telling me "I am sorry" I hate those words now I have no desire to do nothing but think of him, I feel so alone, today was definitely and angry do so far only morning tears but night still has to come, I treated him so bad, never appreciated him because I always had to be right when it came to working, bills money, he had bipolar and had had such a hard life, he tried, and he loved me with all his heart I had turned so stressed that was changing as a person,now I sit with regret that eats away at me crying to his picture and to the sky how sorry I am and how I truly loved him praying sees my tears and forgives me, he was a good man, and boy was he funny he could make you laugh he loved rock and roll but he loved Creed,nickleback,shinedown three doors down they all told his story, a lost soul, I know people say it gets easier,don't beat yourself up, but sometimes I think this nightmare is deserved I am only 46 and have alot of years to go if it is in my future without my only love I do ever see being happy again. He was my life my family did not accept him so I stopped talking to them it has been me, him and the kids, now it is me and my emptiness facing the world, I don't know how to do this alone, I can't I need to wake from this nightmare