It was nice to see so many people turn out. People we hadn't seen in 20 years. People we had written off. And our friends who we didn't realize were such good friends. It was a stressful day and a numb day.

But today, with reality setting in, having to accept that she is dead. That there is nothing I can do to change that. There is no way to bring her back or do better for her. Or help her more. Or love her more. Or take better care of her. Or pay more attention to her. Or do more fun things with her and the kids. Or be more tolerant and understanding. Or not get upset at the little things.
That is difficult.
She deserved 50 more years.
She deserved to be happier.
She deserved to be healthier.
And I cannot go back and fix anything.