My wife's Memorial Mass was yesterday

It was nice to see so many people turn out. People we hadn't seen in 20 years. People we had written off. And our friends who we didn't realize were such good friends. It was a stressful day and a numb day.

But today, with reality setting in, having to accept that she is dead. That there is nothing I can do to change that. There is no way to bring her back or do better for her. Or help her more. Or love her more. Or take better care of her. Or pay more attention to her. Or do more fun things with her and the kids. Or be more tolerant and understanding. Or not get upset at the little things.
That is difficult.
She deserved 50 more years.
She deserved to be happier.
She deserved to be healthier.
And I cannot go back and fix anything.

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Permalink Reply by Paula Marie on March 13, 2016 at 6:46pm

Jason, that's the hardest part for me, too. And I just can't get over the very real fact that I just can't "fix this." Not this time. It hurts so badly.

Permalink Reply by bluebird on March 14, 2016 at 7:19pm

I feel very much as you do, Jason.

It is good, at least, that so many people attended your wife's memorial mass. I know it doesn't help much, but it does show that she was loved by many.

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