Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by O.L. Cato on March 2, 2016 at 6:54am

Your life will never be the same.  OUR lives will never be the same.  I notice a lot of people avoid me....as if the death of a spouse is catchy.  There are no words to describe how lonely I am or how much I miss my husband. I cry all the time......will it ever stop?  It's been a bit over two months since his death. No one seems to understand.  Like you, I miss our conversations, just watching TV together.  I still think this is a bad dream.

Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on March 2, 2016 at 7:26am

Hi Nicky,

I too am facing our 35 wedding anniversary March 14 that I won't be sharing it with my Husband. Lost him 3 years ago to colon cancer and each day I still miss him. I am the first in family of 5 brothers and sisters who has lost their spouse. They cannot understand what I am feeling without him, he was my soulmate. I found no purpose on this earth except taking care of my little rescue dog Babie J. who does not judge me and comforts me. I will never again be the same until I join him in Heaven.

Permalink Reply by bluebird on March 2, 2016 at 7:44am

Nicky, I'm sorry you are in this horrible situation too.  I hope you find this website to be helpful, or at least a place where you can vent and find people in similar situations. My situation is similar to yours, in that my husband died from a sudden heart attack as well, though he and I didn't have nearly as much time together as you did with your husband (we were together nearly 13 years, only married for one week). He was only 40 years old, and I don't know anyone our age whose spouse/partner has died, either.  I know what it's like to miss your beloved's physical presence, all the big and little things and yes, even the annoying things. I would give anything for him to be here and leaving his dirty clothes on the bathroom floor when he showers, rather than putting them in the hamper.

My husband is my soulmate, without a doubt.  He is the one for me. I have no reason for or interest in life, without him, and all I want is to be with him again as soon as possible (and eventually our other loved ones). Whatever this existence is, until then, is not life, it is just waiting.

Permalink Reply by Michelle on March 2, 2016 at 9:43am

Nicky,
I lost my husband on April 2015 and one of the very firsts for me was our wedding anniversary. I took the day off work and decided that I was going to make it a good day since it was the happiest day of my life when we got married. Even though I was heavily into grieving and still am, somehow I found the strength to get through the day. I totally understand your situation as I have very limited people that I can talk to about what I am going through so i choose whom I share it with. You are correct that alot of people don't understand what we are going through. I miss him every single minute of every single day, and sometimes it's just hard to do little things. I feel your pain as we all seem to have that same pain. I hope you find the strength to make it through one more day as hard as it can be. Firsts are the worst for me, as I have his birthday this month and then 1 year next month. I to feel like it has been just yesterday and the other night I had such a feeling that he was going to walk up the stairs to our bedroom. These feelings come and go but I look at them as though his spirit is still with me.
Hoping you find peace.

Permalink Reply by Nicky W on March 2, 2016 at 6:08pm

Thanks for sharing. its so hard when your the first in your family and friends to lose your spouse. We are both 50.  Friends and family are just getting on with their lives and they really don't understand the whole its left in mine and all that goes with it. Some do try and some just don't call or visit anymore. My kids are in their 20's and some live away, they are a good support at times, they to are sad and don't always want to see me sad or upset though that inevitable. We had lots of  our first in the first 2 months so they were just a blur even a 21st which was very hard for us all. I too would give anything to have him back with us to hear his laughter, grumpiness and just to watch tv and talk.  Hopefully today will be a better day as my motto for this year is 'to be kind to me" so I've taken a couple of days off work just to be and not push  myself too hard. I'm pleased I've found this site its making me feel normal and I'm not so crazy.

Permalink Reply by Elynn m on March 4, 2016 at 6:08pm

I am sorry for your loneliness.  Yes, I know what you mean about loneliness.   My husband went to be with the Lord this past September.    Evenings and nights are very lonely.  Yes, it is difficult to reach out to friends (couples).  I'm sure your friends don't mind if u call them.   I've found that when I call, they are are lost for words, and don't know how to respond.   And that's understandable.  I find myself looking to make new friends, but I  still want to keep in touch with the old friends. (They are a significant part of my (and my husband's) lives.

Permalink Reply by Nicky W on March 6, 2016 at 3:57am

I agree, its hard when they struggle and yet I am struggling more with his loss than they are. I remember a lady at our church saying the loneliness was the hardest for her, its so hard to comprehend until your there in that space and the loss of conversation about all the insignificant things that happen in the day. I'm trying to be involved in different things rather than classes where you don't really socialize much, it a very exhausting learning curve.