Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jane on March 2, 2016 at 7:50pm

Hi Nick, I am so sorry about your Mom :(  I am not sure how we cope... I guess day by day one minute at a time sometimes... it's not easy.  I lost my Mom 16 months ago and I still don't know how I cope... I guess the only thing that gets me up everyday is because that's what she did with the losses she had... and she raised me to be strong.  My Mom had a massive stroke and it was horrible to watch it... we were at the hospital with her and it was horrifying :(

I'm sorry about the accident your Mom was in I can completely understand your anger. 

How old was your Mom?  

Permalink Reply by Nick on March 2, 2016 at 9:10pm

She would've been 46 this September. I am sorry about your mom and I cant imagine having to standby and watch helplessly as she slipped away. That must've been horrific. I didn't have to watch but what hurts the most is that she was here one day and gone the next. I didn't even get to see her at the funeral because the trauma to her face was so extensive. It has been 3 months since the accident and every day seems harder.

Permalink Reply by Jane on March 2, 2016 at 9:57pm

aww I'm really sorry Nick :(  It's just so sad, and your Mom was so young.  ... but I don't think age has much to do with it.  My Mom was 80yo.. she was on some new medicine for her hepatitis and she got real sick from it.  She never got better that entire summer and she was in the hospital for blood work when she had her stroke.

Your love for your Mom is very special, and you will find it's very unique.  Even though this loss is so hard to take, we were very lucky to have such loving Mom's.

It's going to hurt alot for quite some time.  I think I stopped crying every day maybe at 9mo.  ... but even now at 16mo, I still cry alot and miss her all the same.

Let me know if you ever need to chat... 

Hugs and prayers <3

Permalink Reply by Anna Huysse-Gaytandjieva on March 3, 2016 at 4:32am

Dear Nick, I lack words. I have read your post yesterday. Since than I have been thinking about your love for your Mam and proper anger and pain related to her tragic death. How wonderful that you had such an example of unconditional love! I just want to let you know that I am thinking about you with love. Take care and please feel free to contact me if you need to talk, to shout, to cry, ... 

Permalink Reply by Theresa on March 3, 2016 at 6:23am

I am so sorry for your tragic loss, but you know she is in a better place than all of us.  That's what I keep saying to myself about my mom,  I feel no matter which way or how old we are its God's choice to take us home.  You have to have faith,  I miss my mom everyday, I just keep thinking is this how the rest of my life will be?  I pray everynight for strength. 

Maybe ask you mom to help you through this, the person who hit her will have to live with this the rest of their life, it will haunt them, until they are judged, they need to start ask God for forgiveness now.

I have been practicing Yoga for ten years, it helps with my frustration and hate and anger....

 

Permalink Reply by jill smith on March 3, 2016 at 8:51am

Nick,

I am so sorry about your mom. What a senseless tragedy. I can understand why you feel the way you do. And it is so true, there is such a bond between mother and child and that unconditional love from them is such a gift. I too have my regrets and things I wish I said and done with my mom. Your grieving process is yours and I can see why you are where you are. I think I would feel the same way as you if my mother was taken away from me the way your mother was. It is going to take time, so be gentle with yourself. I find there is no way to speed up the process and you will always miss your mom. When my mom passed, I found one on one counseling and an in person grief group to be helpful so if you have access to those things, I would recommend it. Most hospitals and health companies have them as well as churches. They are always open to everyone even if you do not belong to their group. This website is helpful too. I also found taking things day by day, hour by hour, was what I had to do to get through the day. 

Permalink Reply by Kate on March 20, 2016 at 1:25pm

So sorry to hear about this Nick. How do you cope? That is a very good question...There is no answer to that I think. Everyone is different though and some get refuge through inner strength, friends, other family, religion, therapy, or a combination of all of those things. You have to figure out what works for you.

When things like this happen, there is no way to rationalize it. Bad things just happen and it is so very awful when they do. It's unbearable it seems...

But it does somehow become bearable. I can say, if you're lucky, it does get better. The weight of it all will always stay with you of course but eventually the weight gets a tiny bit lighter and lighter...until it becomes manageable... if you fight every day to see the good left in life. 

Good luck and again, sorry for your loss.

Permalink Reply by HelenB on May 3, 2016 at 2:42am

My friend was killed by a drunk driver on her bike on way home from seeing me in college: violent deaths complicate grief. It took me years to not think abt it daily and I still do decades later. My mom killed herself almost 18 months ago.. Sheesh, I didn't realize it's the 1 1/2 year anniversary this time. I loved my mom so much. If only we could turn back time & be responsible for other ppl's behaviors...