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Lost the love of my life and soul mate
I lost my husband of 12 years to Melanoma in April of last year. I spent 16 days in the Hospice center with him, I slept there, ate there, and even showered there. He was unresponsive for the last 3 days and they say that people wait for something or somebody before they let go. I couldn't figure out what he was waiting for until I left on the night he passed away to get dinner. I missed his last breathe by 1 or 2 minutes. I was devastated and felt guilty for leaving him. However at the time I thought it has been 3 days, what could 10 minutes do. My only consolation was that his son and sister were with him holding his hand. I wanted to be the one to do that, but now I understand that he was waiting for me to leave so I would not have to witness his death. I was prepared to do that, hold his hand, tell him how much I love him and that I would be ok.. Well, I'm not ok not even after 9 months. It still feels so raw, and just as if it happened yesterday.
I was in therapy for the past 9 months which came to an end yesterday when I wrote a letter to my husband and tied it to balloons that I released last night. I am hoping he gets to read it and that it makes its way to heaven.
This is my first post on this site and thought I would be able to relate to other individuals who are experiencing the same things that I am.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Fran on
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Michelle, I kind of had the opposite happen. My husband had been admitted to the hospital on a Monday. By Tuesday I had contacted his brothers and sister. Wednesday nite we transferred him to a hospice who informed me that he would last another week or so, inspite of his irregular breathing and occasional absence of breath. I knew the end would be much sooner, yet I took a quick 2 hour break to shower and change AT HOME. I returned to the hospice with his music to play for him...gave him a kiss and said "ok, babe. I'm back. You can go now. Once again, his breathing changed and within an hour he was gone. I made it back in time. If I had believed the staff, I would have missed the transition. He waited for me...and I can just hear him say "I've been waiting on you!" when I get to join him....
It's been 15 months and at times it remains overwhelming. I join you in your sorrow.
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I lost my husband recently. I spent 8 days with him in hospice center too. He was in the hospital in ICU for a month before that. I stayed with him too. I left to do run an errand for 30 minutes that needed to be done but I wish I would have waited. I got back right when he passed away. He wasn't alone because a hospice worker was with him so I could go do what I needed to go. That day I lost everything that was important to me. Now I am trying to go on with life without my husband.
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Permalink Reply by Michelle on
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Hi Melinda
First of all I am so sorry for your loss. Your story sounds exactly like mine. I had to learn to accept that my husband did not want me to see him pass. I had left to get dinner and got a call that his breathing had changed. I drove back to the center and just missed him taking his last breathe. I literally collapsed on the floor and started screaming. I had carried a lot of guilt for leaving but now know that that is the way it was meant to be. I too struggle with having to go on without him, on a daily basis. I once wrote in my journal that life goes on but nobody tells you how to do it.
I take it one day at a time. That's the only way I know how and whatever life throws my way, either causes a melt down or I learn how to deal with it. I share your pain and hope you can find your way. -
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Today marks 10 months since my husband passed away. I read so many of these posts and find that each and everyone of us are experiencing the same pain and loss of our spouses. I too struggle with people thinking I should be over this by now so i choose who I talk to about my husband. It's a shame to think that we lose friends and possibly family because of our grief. It is still a daily challenge for me to get through each day. I talk to him everyday asking him to guide me and to give me the strength to make the right decisions because sometimes I don't think I do. I hear the word "normal" and wonder when and if I will ever know it again. I know it will be a new normal but I don't like it. I want Mr other normal life back with my husband. Yesterday was my birthday and the first without him. I hate all of these firsts. I have a few more to make it through, his birthday and then the one year anniversary. It still feels so raw and painful and sometime disbelieving that I will never see him again until it is my time when he promised me that he would come and get me. I have to believe that's true because it's all I am waiting for, to be reunited with him. I hate the idea of being alone, but yet I have no desires for a relationship. Thanks for listening and all of your support and posts to know that my feelings are not only mine but all of ours. It helps me to know I am not going crazy.
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Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on
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Hi Michelle,
You are never alone on this site, It's all I have to keep me from going crazy. Friends and family just don't want to hear it. I don't think I will ever be the same again without my husband. Thank God for all the wonderful people on this site. Love to you all and peace.
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I can understand how you feel. My husband passed away from the same.He wanted to be home it was 3 months and he was gone. I was by his side all the time during this and he keep fighting to stay . They said he just didn't want to leave.When the end was near all the kids were with him and I l told him he could go and be with his family I told my younger son to take his hand and went out of the room and the min I left he was gone.I don't think he wanted me to be in the room when he took his last breath. It has been 15 years now and I still remember that day and miss him. I don't think you ever get over someone who you love.
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