Another Year Year

Well, 3 years since the death of my beloved Husband Julian to colon Cancer, I can't stand the thought that I am still alive, I wish I never seen another year in my life.

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Permalink Reply by Hope Lowe on December 31, 2015 at 2:39pm

Dear Linda,

My beloved younger sister passed away 4 months ago, I also wonder why I am still alive.

There is nothing I can say to help ease the pain, I just wish you comfort and peace in the New Year.

Kindest regards,

Hope

Permalink Reply by HollowHeart on December 31, 2015 at 9:31pm
I feel the same. I can't stand thinking about the future. People keep telling me that 2016 will be better. Will my sister be ressurected next year? That is the only thing to make 2016 better. I don't know why suddenly the new year will make things better for me. Just a new year starting without my sister in it. thwt does not make me hopeful for the new year. Linda, I think the more that time passes it gets worse. I think that's the reality that others in out lives want to hear.

Hope, it's nice to hear from someone else that lost a sibling. I'm missing my older sister so much right now. Life is just not the same without her. I find myself trying to block out thoughts of things we did in the past, knowing all I have left are memories. I know I'm living in denial right now. The only way I'm getting by right now.
Permalink Reply by Dennis C. on January 1, 2016 at 7:22am
HollowHeart,

I find your mentioning of the resurrection interesting. I have dear friends and beloved family that I have lost in death. I really look forward to the resurrection so that I can see them again.

Jesus made this promise:

John 5:28,29 (nwt-E) — Do not be amazed at this, for the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice 29 and come out..."

What a wonderful promise. And there are 8 people in the Bible that were resurrected. Those accounts give me hope.

I try very hard to focus on those promises. It does not take the pain away, but it does give me a future to look forward to.

What do you think of when you think of the resurrection?
Permalink Reply by Hope Lowe on January 1, 2016 at 10:29am
HollowHeart,

Since the passing of my sister, I have tried to get myself involved in a lot of activities to move forward but the wailing continues and the waves of grief are crippling. My coping mechanism is simply not working.

My younger sister lived with me all her life. The past, the present, and the future
were all gone in one fateful morning in August, 2015, I am leading a harrowing life now - a life filled with sadness and guilt, the end is nowhere in sight

I used to call friends and an out of town sister to pour out my sorrow but I stop now. The calls did not help ease my pain and I hate the feeling of imposing, the
person I talk to nowadays is my grief counselor.

I do not see myself experiencing joy again in this life without my believed sister

I am not bitter about life, I just lose the ability to climb out this valley of
despair.

I might be an very extreme case of losing a sister, I am a bad example of a grief-stricken sister. As the times go by, you will never get over the pain of losing your sister but it will lessen to a more manageable level.

May the new year bring you peace and comfort.

Hope
Permalink Reply by HollowHeart on January 1, 2016 at 11:31am
Hope, well then we are two very extreme cases of losing a sister. The moment I saw her face they morning in October and knew she was gone I was changed forever. I was with her those last days, the last person to talk to her, t see her going down. I was the one who found her, tried CPR on her. Not many people know this. That was utterly horrific and I will remember those moments forever. It was traumatic and it's not something I can forget. Peace will never be in my heart because of those circumstances.

I have no one that cares about anything I care about anymore. No one that cares about me the way she did. So hard to lose that. That is isolating and depressing. I am bitter about life. I'm angry that I have to hold all this inside and be expected to be happy just because I'm alive. That is just surviving.

I'm trying to find social outlets but it's not working. Meeting up with strangers right now and pretending to not be broken inside is not working right now. I am truly a grief stricken sister and I always will be. I have nothing else in my life but this grief to fill it up. I really wish she had taken me with her.

Thank you Hope. I believe it will take a very long time, longer than anyone may assume. I really and truly hate life. I'm just existing. I hope one day I can find peace in just existing, but I doubt it.
Permalink Reply by rachel_micele on January 24, 2016 at 12:29am

Just wanted to say Linda, the more I see this picture of you and Julian the more I see the love and the pure bliss you guys had for each other. 

Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on January 24, 2016 at 9:08am

Thank You, we had the most wonderful live for 34 years, we still are two hearts beating just as one.

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