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Permalink Reply by HollowHeart on November 23, 2015 at 12:22pm

Linda, this is how I feel too. I have lost 3 great people in my family, and that includes my sister and none of them saw their 50th birthday. I don't get this world sometimes. I also have/had evil people in my family that lasted a long time or are still going strong, so where is the justice in that? I have evil family members who just keep getting buckets of good dumped on their heads left and right. What??!

This may not be right to say, but I notice that those people I know that are always praising God and loving each morning thanking him for waking them up and all that, have good, not a care in the world lives. I have a 'somewhat' friend on facebook and that's all she posts and if I even halfway grumble about not being happy or not really seeing the praises "God has for me" she gets all stupid and mad about it, but I don't see much to praise God over right about now.

Bluebird, I don't blame your anger, frustration and sorrow. You were all ready to settle down into your perfect life and then--bam!-- It's not fair and I don't get behind all that 'when its your time' crap either. Why was it their time? And those left behind suffer so much worse than those we lost. Yes, I want them here to live and enjoy their lives as well, but coping with a death is  doubly brutal because you are dealing with really two deaths. Their literal one and the 'Walking Dead' life you are now living. I will never have a decent life ever again, I will always be sad and lonely and will never enjoy a pure genuine moment of happiness ever again. I also grieve for my own life. I'm tired of being sad and tormented. I'm tired dragging myself through each day. Even days that are theoretically good days I can't even enjoy. Nothing feels worth enjoying if you have to enjoy it alone and can't share it that one special person.

Permalink Reply by Sara Schwartztrauber on November 21, 2015 at 2:34am

Oh Linda, I so totally understand how you feel. My wonderful husband of 38 years died on April 1st of cancer. He fought so hard, he lost 126 lbs, and was so sick, but kept working up until about two weeks before he died. I have loved him since I was 19 years old, and most days I miss him so much that I can't breathe. Somedays I can go to our business, and pretend to make it through the day, and then I come home and cry, and cry and then cry some more. It was never just Jim or Sara, it was always Jim and Sara. The lady that spoke at his service said that she had heard many times that someone was "larger than life", but with my husband was the first time she believed it. He was no ordinary man, and I am so proud to be his wife.

On top of missing him every minute of everyday, his two daughters are wrecking havoc in my life because they are angry that he didn't leave them a bunch of money. For some reason, they believed that he was going to leave them each 1/2 million dollars, so they are telling everyone that I have stolen the money from them. I have provided a copy of his will so that they can read it for themselves, but they still just continue on. The worst part is that they had no part of his life while he was alive, it's all about money.

And our kids miss their dad horribly. None of it seems real or fair, and I'm afraid that it's just going to get worse. How will I get through the holidays without him?

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Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on November 21, 2015 at 7:19am

Thank God I have a wonderful stepson and stepdaughter who wanted nothing from their Dad. He was always good to them and I loved them and their children. We had no children of our own as we married at 32 & 44. As for the holidays. I wish I could sleep right through them, they are now just another day without my beloved Julian.

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