My father died on March 30 2015, he was the best man I had ever know. I was his caregiver and had been for the last 14 years. He had many health issues and we thought that we were going to lose him more times then I can count. In August of 2014 he had a heart attack and we though for sure we were going to lose him. The doctors that were taking care of him told us to call in the family because he had a less them 50% chance to make it. We did as they asked and within the next 12 hours he went in and had a quadruple bypass. This surgery took 2 hours longer then they said it would and we were sure they were going to come tell us he didn't make it since they took us in to a private room to talk to us. They told us that they were able to do the surg and that his arteries were all 95% closed up.  They did a amazing job, He was not quite his self again after the surgery but he was doing amazingly.  But not 3 months later he was not feeling so well any more and he had to go in and they said they didn't know what they were going to find. Luckly they found only one spot had gotten a bit closed and it was fixed by putting in a stint.

After that he was doing great, he was having no issues that is until January of 2015. Then he had a spot on the end of his toe that would not heal, and then he started having issues with feeling like he was short of breath. He was doing on and but they were talking about amputating his toe and maybe the foot. But we never got that far. He was at home and was supposed to go in the next day to have his toe done when he went in to vtac and passed out. Luckly he was ok though it did bring his heart function down to 25% we were told that he would be put on meds and that he would be ok. With this his mom came to stay with us and she got to spend 2 months with him before he had a massive heart attack and passed away at home with my mom and grandmother.

This man was my very best friend and Now I have no idea how to move forward and with my life. He was my whole world and now nothing is the same. My family (sister and mom) went back to work and their lives are moving forward and I sit here at home and feel heart broken.

Just a month later my great grandma passed away(she was 98 so we were happy and sad) This was the women that I strived to be like. She was the most caring a loving person I have ever met in my life. But she was lonely and had been alone for many years. My great grandfather passed away when I was about  10 and she had told us all the time that she was ready.

Now I have been hit by another blow. My Dog that was my dads best friend got killed and is now gone again. I am at a total loss as to what I need to do to move on.

I live with my boyfriend and though he tries to help me I am get mad at him every time he tries to help me or tells me it will all be ok. I try so hard to not let things get to me but I cant help it. I get these burst of anger and though I try to not let it out or take it out on people it feels like I cant control my self.

Other then that I feel confused and lost. I miss being able to talk to my dad and ask him what I should do when im upset about something.

I am looking for ways to get through these things. Sometimes I really just need to talk to someone who has gone through what I have and that understands that it is hard to be around happy people.

Thank you to anyone that reads this. Just writing what happened and really just thinking about him while I wrote this makes me heart feel a little less heavy.

The photo is of my mom dad me and my pup that just died. This was our last Christmas together. 12/25/2014