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Permalink Reply by Emily W on April 28, 2015 at 6:22pm

snickle, im so sorry for yr loss. I know what ur going through. My best friend (we were in a previous relationship, and whether together r not, we always loved each other) died of an opiate OD in my apartment yesterday. I just miscarried a baby it turned out I was 5 wks pregnant with also. Me + my friend had been talking about getting back together eventually (it it worked out) and we both wanted a baby. I dunno if he knew how much I loved him either. I feel like if I had done something different he would still b alive. If I had noticed something was wrong sooner. He was sleeping in my room and I heard him snoring. I didn't know anything was wrong. Then when I checked on him again it seemed like he wasn't breathing. I called 911 and did cpr till paramedics arrived. he had two years clean the day before. Yesterday was a normal day, we watched tv, were cleaning my apt then he went and laid down. He had taken some of my prescription methadone. He is on psych meds so I guess the mix caused the OD. Also he had been clean a while and it was a lot of methadone he took. I should've known something wasn't ok. I can't help blame myself. He was in the hospital a wk ago for anxiety and depression. If only I had my meds locked up and hidden. If only something, something had happened differently. My heart is shattered. And his poor Mom and Dad. they live in anotherstate and got a call in the  middle of the night "yr son has passed away from an overdose". Everyone keeps telling me I didn't have a crystal ball but if only when he asked to come over yesterday I said "no". He would still be alive. Maybe I didn't do the cpr right. I shouldhave known something was wrong. I know im driving myself crazy but I cannot stop blaming myself. I am a recovering addict too going on 3 yrs clean. I only have a couple other friends. I had to cut off everyone who was still using when I got clean. I don't know how im gonna get thru this. my family is 3000 miles away. I see a therapist once a week butnother than that very little support where I live. my heart is broken. its so hard to be in my apt-he died here last night. Im also hoping someone can help.