I am really surprised that their are so many people on here like me. Even though their loved one my have passed years ago. They are still grieving terribly. My wife died in feb-13, my mom 7-14. I have made very little progress with that acceptance that was spoke about in the church grief groups that I attended after their deaths. The only real acceptance I have is that my life is crap now. What few friends I have, say get out and date. Just for friendship if nothing else. How do you do that? I don't want anyone but my Karla. period. Is that wrong? I am 56. Karla and I were together for 15 years. Married for 10. No children. We had a wonderful life together. She was my soul mate (no kidding) I am so lost with out her. I see others widowers that seem to grieve for a while and remarry. So many have vast amount of friends and family that occupy them.  I seem to be stuck. Stuck in all the memories of the hell that both my wife and Mother went through before they died. The horror of it. Haunts me constantly. I really don't want to ever go through anything like that again. I know there are those that will say get off your pity pot. Build a new life. Some how I'm not in the mood for that. Still others will say get involved with church. I have tried. People are friendly. But some how I don't fit in. So what to do. I do very much believe in God. Reading the bible is comforting. However I don't want to be one of those that walk around talking about Jesus too much. Maybe I'm just ranting.

I would like to hear about what every one does to occupy their free time. It's amazing to me, but what my wife and I did together. Most of it I just can't bring myself to do any longer. Like Nascar racing. We were semi fans. Even went to a few races. Now it's just to painful to hear or watch any of it. I have our two cats that are company. One small thing I have found is chess on line. You can play chess and chat with people all over the world.  I also walk some. But it's winter now.  So any thoughts? Thanks