Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Tans on March 3, 2015 at 12:03pm

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. And wish you strength going forward, as it will be a tough journey. I hope that they find the horrible person and bring them to justice.

Unfortunately unless they go through a death they have no idea what you are going through. I had the same thing - within a month if that people just expected things to be back to normal and didn't know how to deal with me. You will find out who your friends are and talk about your mom and if you need be talk about what happened, then do so. Just be yourself and deal with your pain as you want to for as long as you need to. This year will be 5 years that my mom is gone, and I still have a lot of bad days, some of my friends have learnt that when I need to talk or be around people they must let me be. Be strong my friend

Permalink Reply by pushpa on March 4, 2015 at 1:18pm

Thanks for your reply.How did you manage 5 yrs without your mom? So sorry about her.Its just been an year without my mom and it pains to realize that it would be this lifetime without her.You are right unless they go through a death they have no idea.take care.

Permalink Reply by Kris Baclawski on March 3, 2015 at 2:39pm

I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your mom.  The circumstances must make your grieving more complicated because of the violent and unexpected nature of your mother's passing and the ups and downs for you during her valiant struggle for life.  You have experienced a traumatic and horrific loss.  And now it seems as if your support system has been pulled away as well.   I cannot say why this may be the case except that they may be having a difficult time in dealing with their own feelings and don't know what to say or how to help you.  They may feel helpless or inadequate.  A lot of friends and families are not comfortable in talking about death and issues around it.  For me after the loss of my mom, it wasn't so important for friends to say something anything as it was to for me to be able to talk and cry.  All I wanted was to have someone listen to me.   Listening was one of the greatest gifts to receive from them.  You can ask them, but if they're reluctant then seek out professionals willing to listen.

Does your state or province has a crime victims' assistance program?  If so, you may be able to use their services for that listening ear and counseling.  Perhaps your employer has an employee assistance program which you could use.  

Remember you are a survivor--try to remember and celebrate your mother's life.  I will keep you in my prayers and send you healing energy.  God bless.          

Permalink Reply by pushpa on March 4, 2015 at 1:00pm

Thanks for understanding me.Losing a mom,at any age is a terrible thing.I'm sorry for your loss too.Thanks for listening.

Permalink Reply by pushpa on March 7, 2015 at 7:35am

Am I being too harsh on my friends and family?

Permalink Reply by Tans on March 8, 2015 at 10:27am

Pushpa, you aren't being too harsh on them. You need to talk to them about how you feel and what you would like to have from them. But Please don't be surprised at the outcome. Some people will be amazing and help you, listen and just be there and then some that you expect will be there just won't step up. If you can find a councilor to help you - I found it good to talk to a stranger. They can sometimes give you a different perspective. Talk about your mom as much as you can. It's hard and don't feel embarrassed about always being in tears - it's normal. Sending you tons of strength. Just take it one day at a time.

Permalink Reply by Emily on March 13, 2015 at 12:52pm

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through.

My mom died Dec 27, 2012 and my dad passed away on Nov 18, 2014. I care and others on this site care please remember that.