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Thank You
Thank you for your heartfelt replies. It seems that as each day goes by the harder it gets. The little things like balsams seems to reduce me to tears. I always loved the library but we did it together. Just driving by the library breaks my heart. Today is 4 weeks since my husband left me. I had a dental appt with a new dentist & I was beside myself when he said what my appt next week would entail. Because of my terrible fear of the dentist my husband came with me & held my hand. Stupid little things like that bring up the memories that reduce me to tears. I did pretty well for my granddaughters first soccer tournament until I drove home. It hit me & I had to pull over. We always talked about the game after & I talked but he wasn't there to answer. SaturdY night my son, DIL & 2 of the kids went to the Angels baseball game. My other Grandaughter stayed with me for a sleepover. We were watching the cooking shows we love & I got quiet. She asked me what was wrong. I told her I was just feeling a little sad because Grandpa & I always watched it together. She replied, at least Grandpa isn't fighting cancer anymore. She went on to tell me that Grandpa is with us & always will be. When did 7 year olds become so smart? It was the most humbling experience I have ever had.
I just wish someone could tell me how this gets better. If it's even possible it's getting harder. I wear my husbands cologne. I spray his bathrobe & put it in bed with me & hug it all night. I have found a song that should have been written for me because it describes how I feel. It is sung by Lorrie Morgan & the song is If You Came Back from Heaven. I will warn you it is a tear jerker but anyone who is dealing with this loss will relate.
I just wish someone could tell me how this gets better. If it's even possible it's getting harder. I wear my husbands cologne. I spray his bathrobe & put it in bed with me & hug it all night. I have found a song that should have been written for me because it describes how I feel. It is sung by Lorrie Morgan & the song is If You Came Back from Heaven. I will warn you it is a tear jerker but anyone who is dealing with this loss will relate.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by charles daley on
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sandi i'm very sorry for your loss i know what you are going though i lost my wife 4 years ago and to this day i really miss her I'm still having a hard time dealing with this and on top of that the anger i have is on me because i should of did something to save her. i know i couldn't do anything to save her but to be there for her .and april of this year i lost my mother so while i was getting to the point where i was feeling alright with my wife's passing and now with my mom passing away i'm back to square one with all the guilt anger and everything that comes along with losing someone who you love with all your heart. but what makes this so diffuilt is they pass away on the same date augest 4th . the way i feel i have nothing left to inside me everything i have is because of my wife or my mom. i'm not angry at my wife or my mom for passing on because i know they are in heaven i'm angry at myself as their caregiver i should did more to save them i'm going though the motions right now
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Permalink Reply by Jean on
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You did everything right. The what ifs are always there. You were there when they needed you.
I have struggled with this since I was my mothers caregiver in her last few months. It was the hardest thing so far in my life but the Dr said that I did everything "right"....
I still have those "what if" moments a year and a half later....Best Wishes...
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jean i'm sorry for your loss the way i way i feel if i did everything right they be with me now.a part of me knows i couldn't do anything but the other part of me is saying i should of did more
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Permalink Reply by Sandi on
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I am so sorry for your loss" I know that is such a pat answer that it begins to piss you off. You cannot blame yourself as a caregiver because we all do the best we can. I am so lost without my husband & I know it won't get any better. If it was not from my teachings as a child I would have already ended my life. In my heart I believe that suicide is the one thing that will forever keep you from your loved ones. I have just filled out a power of attorney & an advance directive naming my daughter inlaw. I put in place a DNR which is what I want. The daughter inlaw I named is one that I trust more then anyone. I called my 36 year old son last night to discuss my wishes & he went ballistic on me. No one that has not lost their heart can relate. Endless to say my son who is my youngest is really mad at me. I tried to explain that I just want to be with dadj but he turnedh it into I don't care about my grandkids. Unless you have lived it you don't get it. I miss my husband so much & I can't wait to join him. If you find a way to get through this easier please let me know.
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sandi i know what you are going though but i also know the they are in heaven and watching over us. over time it does get easier. you have grief in your own way don't let people tell you how to grief if you need to talk to someone talk to your doctor about what you are going though as far as your son goes he might be upset but he is not really mad at you. he loves you i know you miss your husband as i miss my wife but remember they are watching over us you have to take your time to grief if you want to talk i'm always on this website. be safe charlie
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