Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Nicole on April 15, 2014 at 7:45pm

I will do my best. It was such a sudden death that reality has set in very slowly, and I still catch myself sobbing for no reason. Thank you for the help.

Permalink Reply by James D on April 15, 2014 at 7:39pm

It will take time. Personally, I couldn't smile at anything for 2 weeks after my mom died (Ironically enough it was when I was driving home with her cremains), but know this: There is no reason for you not to laugh or smile at something. You might not want to, but don't feel compelled to. Don't try to force laughter on yourself either...that will hurt worse. 

Bottom line: You will eventually smile/laugh again, it just takes a bit. 

Permalink Reply by Nicole on April 15, 2014 at 7:45pm

I'm trying - but missing her (and everyone else) is taking a serious toll. Doing my best day in and day out right now.

Permalink Reply by David Mc Mahon on April 16, 2014 at 3:46am

Hi Nicole,

Were in similar boat. My mam passed three months ago aswell. I dont have an answer for when you will feel normal because I dont feel normal still. My advice is just keep yourself busy and allow yourself the time in the evening to feel sad.. Sometimes when i keep it all bottled in and avoid thinking about it it makes it worse. Have you some good friends?

Permalink Reply by Nicole on April 16, 2014 at 7:51am

I have great friends who listen; but when I talk to them in person about how I'm feeling, I always stop myself from crying and change the subject to them because I don't want to burden them. I know they don't see it that way, but I do better emailing or texting because I let myself cry. Does that make sense?

Permalink Reply by Brenda Ann on April 17, 2014 at 10:12am

Grief is as individual as a fingerprint. It is a journey that each person takes in his/her own time and in his/her own way. All the things your mother taught you and all her love is still in your heart. 

(Isaiah 41:10 & 13) "Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not gaze about, for I am your God. I will fortify you. I will really help you. I will really keep fast hold of you with my right hand of righteousness.’ For I, Jehovah your God, am grasping your right hand, the One saying to you, ‘Do not be afraid. I myself will help you.’"

Brenda

Permalink Reply by Dorie on September 1, 2015 at 12:54am

Nicole,

     You've probably figured out by now, what was "normal" before your mother died, is gone forever. Your life has been changed and will now need to be re-created to accommodate probably the greatest loss any daughter experiences in her life.

And, the process of grieving our loss, is as personal and individual as an earlier poster point out.. our fingerprints. Each of us will travel a different path in a different way and time is not fixed. Only worry if you begin to realize you are "stuck" somewhere on your path, grief is fluid, not static. There will always be new awareness's of your loss wash over you, fortunately, eventually, that tsunami of grief occurs farther and farther apart. Pain is every bit as BIG, you just get longer breaks between.

I hope, you are discovering all this for yourself. You are right, you were cruelly "slammed" by grief all at once which just magnified the pain. But, you know, the mind is a wonderful phenomenon, it gives you "relief" by allowing you to find moments of laughter even when you are lost.  Don't feel guilty, your mind is taking care of you the best it can.

Permalink Reply by Danny on November 23, 2015 at 7:47am

Ya its been two years for me and the pain is very much there and i am so nervous as i try and avoid big decisions until i feel ready to take them as i did everything after taking a perspective from my parent.  Have had to make one big one but that was made for me so no choice there.

Still dont feel like starting a heavy new job so my career has suffered as well but it all seems to be hazy now.

Permalink Reply by Martin Kentari on November 5, 2015 at 9:14pm

How are you doing now?