Mom's final days in ICU haunting me

I lost my beloved mum on 22 july , 2013. She had lupus and cardiomyopath since more than 14 years. She contracted malaria and was admitted to the ICU of a hospital here in INdia. In the past 1 year she had suffered a heart attack, 4-5 mini strokes, acute cardiac failure. Then finally malaria . Once admitted she developed sepsis in the hospital . She suffered so much in her final days. She developed multi organ failure , couldnt eat, couldnt speak. She was sedated on the last day. But she was trying to communicate with us but was so weak she was unable to speak. Tears also spilled from her eyes. Her treatment was mismanaged by her primary doctor. I have gone over and over this in my head a million times. I feel that we her family failed her. Doctors here are very arrogant and play God. Switching doctors also is like russian roulette because one is worse than the other. I'm haunted by how much my mum suffered . She was on fluid restriction due to her heart failure and she used to pine for water because she was intensely thirsty due to her medicines (diuretics). I get visions in front of my eyes of her pain, suffering, pining for water, unable to eat, talk. The fact that she was trying to talk on her final day but could not. The fact that she wept on her last day. I will never ever get over this till the end of my life. When caring for her at home we always encouraged her, cheered and treated her with love, kindness and patience. But while in hospital We were at the mercy of the doctors and hospital staff. They were a complete nightmare. Nasty doctors, callous nurses, strict security. I feel we failed her at the end. How do I beg for her forgiveness?. How do I tell her that I love her and I will never love anybody this much again?. How do I make peace with the fact that the most wonderful human being , the greatest mum ever suffered so much pain and sorrow. I just dont want to go on.

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Permalink Reply by Eliza on August 31, 2013 at 9:31pm
I am so very sorry for your pain and your loss, and for your mum's suffering. I lost my mom to cancer in December. It was very tough to watch her slip away. I miss her every day. my mom was in hospice, and for weeks/months afterward, her passing replayed itself in my head over and over. You lost your mom so recently, it is bound to be fresh in your mind and your heart. I know there is nothing that I can say that makes this easier. Know that we understand you here. Share your grief and don't be afraid to let it out. Sending you hugs.
Permalink Reply by Dar on November 10, 2013 at 9:22pm

I truly understand My mother died Aug 28, 2013.  She lost her home in hurricane

Sandy. Than Jan 30th she took a massive stroke, she could not walk or talk or eat

we had to put a feeding tube in her.  She could not even point to a picture to tell

me anything.  She was a wonderful mother. I went to the hospital every day and 

the rehab center.  Yes it was a total disgrace.  When someone can not talk or walk

They need you to be there voice and stand up for them.   She also, cried every day.

When her 3 months was up at rehab I took her home.  At The end of April.  She

could not walk, talk or eat. She was on a feeding tube.  I had to learn to give her

meds through the tube and feed her around the clock.  We   could not even get

help from the area of aging because she was over by $20.00 and she was out

of network for her insurance.  It was so hard to see my mother suffer and even

walk out of the room and leave her for a second. My two sons and wonderful daughter-in-law.

helped me change her and take care of her around the clock. She got so sick we

would cry. I could never go into a deep sleep since Jan. when it happened. Than in

April when I brought her home I never slept. Now since she passed my body does

not relax to sleep. All I think about is how she suffered and how dying was so hard.

And the stages they go through. I never new all this it broke my heart to see her

go through all the stages of death.  I also, feel so sad confused about how the

doctors and nurses act.  I think the whole system needs to change to care more

about the elderly.  I would love to talk with you.  This is my first time writing and

talking about it.  All I think about is her suffering and I can not focus on anything.

I truly understand.  I need to feel she is ok.  She also, was a wonderful mother,

grandmother, friend and wife.  She truly loved us so much .

 

Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on December 6, 2013 at 4:39pm

hosptiles do ths 2 me i cnt even set ft in 1 2 vist pele i cnt evn set ft in main entrence wear u hav 2 vist ple  i cnt th fth of setng ft in ths plase mks feal sic 

iv gt ths silly idea if ple go in thr thy dnt cm ot aliv coz my dad wnt in thr nvr cm ot th mre fmly died in thr on sm wrd wish dnt hlp me 

i no abit nasty nurses on wrd my dad wz on im bizy yea bizy caling nrse bean raset 2 nurse it wz getng thr hnds dirty tld me thy wud get polse if i dn not stp complning or thw me ot no wondr thy get hit 

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