Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Maria on August 8, 2013 at 6:11pm

Dawn,

I am so sorry for your loss. We are always here for you. No one knows better the pain of losing a child.

I loss my son June 10th. What can I say? A part of me died.

Permalink Reply by Connie K on August 9, 2013 at 11:49am

Judy I am so sorry for your loss and then to have his child taken away from you is heartbreaking. I lost my only child at age 17, 8months ago. I would give anything if he had a child left with us. I hope and pray that you can have a good relationship with your grandson and get to have him n your life somehow. I know how devastated you are and I wish I could help take some pain away. We can't do that. I think our grief is as strong as out love and that won't go away. Just know you are not alone. ((( )))

Permalink Reply by Lynn Williams on October 2, 2013 at 12:56pm

I lost my beautiful 26 year old daughter on August 17, 2013. She lived her short life to the fullest under the big skies of Montana. She was an organic farmer, who lived in her little aristocrat trailer by the gardens, under an apple tree. Her father and I spent the last week of her life visiting with her, from Vermont. We got to see how happy she was and met all her friends. We even watched her play soccer, a game she loved with her league team. We said good bye to her at the farmer’s market on Saturday, where she sold her organic baby food and headed east to visit her sister who lived four hours away in Montana. She was driving a little later to join us for her sister’s birthday celebration. Our dear girl never arrived. She was killed in a freak car accident, when someone in front of her ran over a shredded tire and it bounced back hitting her windshield. She lost control of her car and careened over the median and was hit by an on-coming car. We found out she had died instantly after calling the state police five hours after she didn’t arrive at the party. I am back in Vermont now, in a state of disbelieve and grieving. My only peace comes in taking care of my flower gardens and getting them ready for a long winter. I never thought this could happen but it has. With your own loss comes the need to understand and empathize with other people. I hope in time I will be able to see why this happened, and find joyfulness in what I still have, and what lies ahead. One step in front of the other.

Permalink Reply by Lynn Williams on October 2, 2013 at 3:45pm

I have been spending a lot of time in my garden, pulling weeds is therapy for me.  I joined a support group too.  Unfortunately grandchildren are far away in New Mexico and CA and my other daughter is in Montana.   We will see all at Christmas thank god

Permalink Reply by Connie K on October 2, 2013 at 4:58pm

Lynn

I am so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks each time I see a new member. I also lost my son Daniel in a tragic car accident Dec.1 , 2012. He was 17. I wish I could help ease your pain but I can offer a shoulder and this is a great site to get support from many wonderful people who are walking the same road.

Permalink Reply by Lynn Williams on October 3, 2013 at 12:35pm

Thank you so much, you never can understand someones pain until you go through it yourself.  The mornings are the hardest not wanting to get up and start the day.  I retired from teaching last June, I couldn't stand in front of middle school students everyday now and get through this heart break.

 

Permalink Reply by sharon lewis on October 10, 2013 at 8:47am

I lost my son Mitch on May 23rd 2013.  He was studying at university and left a message for me on facebook saying how much he loved me and wanted to hug me but it was too late.  An email just a couple of hours later said he was sorry, he regretted what he had done and was in hospital and was going to be fine but by the time we reached him he had already died.  A big part of me died with him that day, he was my first born and my only son and Im thankful I still have my beautiful daughters but I miss him so much.  We attended his graduation just a few weeks after his funeral and have raised over £3000 in his memory for a mental health charity.  We have a balloon release planned for his birthday in January and our fund raising will be an ongoing process.  Our family stance is to celebrate his life not mourn his death, but in the quiet of the night when I cant sleep I long to see him and talk to him and my arms ache to give him that hug he so wanted.  I get through by pretending he is still just away and will be home soon, and I email him most days just as I used to telling him everything thats happening.  Im told that time is a great healer, but it seems to get harder as the months go by because I know eventually I will have to face the fact that he is never coming home again and Im scared that when that happens I will fall to pieces, and I cant do that as I have my girls to care for.  I love him so much, how can I let him go?

Permalink Reply by Lynn Williams on October 10, 2013 at 12:51pm

Dear Sharon,  I am so sorry for your loss.  It feels unbearable and so lonely. I lost my 26 year old daughter in a car accident on August 17, 2013.  We were visiting her and her sister in Montana when it happened.  I was in deep shock the first month and now I can't stop crying 24/7.  I just came back from seeing a counselor today.  Are your daughters living at home with you now?  It is so hard everyday bouncing from tears to anger to anxiety and then withdrawal.  I go to a group once a month with other mothers who have lost a child, it helps seeing they are still here after 2 or 3 years.  The loss never goes away they tell me but the raw feelings ease and it is easier to cope with life again and laugh.  It is important to release what you are feeling whenever it surfaces.  We are here for you. Lynn  

Permalink Reply by sharon lewis on October 11, 2013 at 7:31pm

Hi Lynn, thank you for your kind words, Im so sorry that you too have lost your lovely daughter. Im glad you find some comfort in your councilling sessions and you're right it does help to talk to others who understand how it feels. I have a wonderful and loving family, great friends and work for an understanding company but when they ask how I am I tell them I'm fine, I know they are hurting too and don't want to add to their troubles and stress by worrying over how Im coping with this.  I think I have to be strong for my daughters, my older daughter is 20 and lives just a few doors away from me and my younger daughter of 15 lives at home, we are close and talk about Mitch often and we have laughed together and cried together and Im so very proud of them.  At the moment I feel so guilty, I feel like I let my son down because I wasnt with him, I was on my way to work when my sister called to let me know about his message and I couldnt reach him on time.  I also feel guilty because whilst I love my daughters from the bottom of my heart, there have been moments when I have resented them, because if it werent for them I could be with Mitch, yet there have also been moments when I feel so thankful that I have them.  I want to wrap them up in cotton wool and keep them close, but I know I have to give them the freedom to move on with their lives.  Its such a confusing mess of varying emotions which change minute to minute.  I dont know if there are any answers which fit every senario for each person, but Im grateful just to be able to let it out, and for all you lovely people on here, all dealing with your own grief, but reaching out to others at the same time.  Thank You x

Permalink Reply by Connie K on October 23, 2013 at 5:10pm

Hi Sharon

I am so very sorry for your loss. I understand your feelings very well and am sending you prayers.

The longer it gets (it's been 9 months for me) the farther you seem to be getting to never seeing them again. It is worse for me as well because I want to think he is just away and will come back. I just want him back! I try to be spiritual and I do believe his spirit lives on and touches me in many ways. We also choose to celebrate his life but that doesn't take the pain away. But please try to not resent your daughters. It is a gift for you to have them and they are helping you as you are helping them. I only had Daniel and now he's gone and all our dreams of sharing in his adult life - no grandkids, no one who wants the things we would have passed on to him. It is truly heartbreaking.

Plus he was sick with an auto immune disease called Crohn's Disease and I was his "caretaker" in that he had to go to doctors for therapy several times a week so I stayed at home with him and he was home schooled the last year. Ironically he died as a passenger in a tragic car accident not from any medical condition. NOW I only work part time and don't know what to do with my life. I find myself alone in the house too often and don't have the mojo to do all the things I should ( at least what everyone thinks I should be doing).

Thanks for listening. hugs to you

Permalink Reply by dane hanna on October 19, 2013 at 4:52pm

I have been walking this dark lonely walk called grief since 2003.My only child Theresa turned 20 on November 12,2003.On November 29,2003 Theresa never came home.Her body was found in a ravine on December 6,2003.I have had no closure and I suffer from complicated grief,major reoccuring depression,complicated post traumatic stress and certainly many more.I searched for 7 days and nights bellowing out her name in complete hysteria in the backwoods of Georgia.There are a few theories about what happened and mine is most likely closest to the truth simply because not only was she my daughter we were best friends and I knew how horrific Theresa suffered her last day on earth.To this day I hear her calling out for me to rescue her but that never happened.It is a horrible time of year for me as her birthday approaches.It is still devestating for me and I have no clue how I am still alive.I joined this group in hopes to find some people to talk to I simply am Alive Alone and have been.Please know my heart bleeds for all of us here.May God Bless Us All !!!  

Permalink Reply by dane hanna on October 19, 2013 at 7:08pm

I am so very sorry for your loss .. How horrible to have to meet here but gratitude we can gather in our childs loss.Pain has become part of me like blood rushing through my veins.I never found any more purpose after Theresa was taken from me.I have lost my mind,my career of 18 years ,my house,all Theresa's belongings including her urn up in flames in a house fire.I do have her cat Annabellie who Theresa delivered.My last day with Theresa was Thanksgiving in 2003 and the walk of life has had no meaning.I joined this website to try to see if I can yet again ride out the tidal wave.I have been abandoned by my family for they have been very dictative on how I should be moved "on".Give me back Theresa and I will be glade to move on.I also HATE when people say I dont think I could make it what you are going through.Theresa was a victim of physical abuse prior to her coming up missing and the people I share this with have absolutely no clue on how to comfort me.I did want to retaliate against her boyfriend for me I am certain something horrific happpened to her.It was all over the news as the media tried to cpatalize on my deepest ,darkest despair.It haunts me still I see no light..Sorry to ramble I am certain you are hurting deeply as well.It has not improved here.People are quick to informme that it will get easier I hate to tell you NOT for me..Please hang in and again thank you so very much to allow me to just type.I am flooded in my mind      

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