Helping young children remember

My mom died suddenly on April 6, 2013. My 2 1/2 year old son and her simply ADORED each other. He lit up for her differently than he did for anyone else, and vice versa. I cannot adequately describe how much they loved each other, and how much I loved seeing it. My second son, who she will never meet, is due July 1.

I am very bitter and sad that my children won't know this amazing woman. I know that because of his young age when she died, my oldest son probably won't remember her or how much they loved each other. It's a very painful thought, but like the reality of her passing, I just have to learn to accept it.

My husband created a home movie from video clips and pictures of them together. He asks to see it often. I don't know if it will help him remember in the long term. But even if he doesn't have any memories of his own in 10 years, at least he'll know what her laugh sounds like.

Has anyone else struggled with how to keep mom's memory alive in young children?

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Elissa on May 26, 2013 at 6:20pm
Amanda, I know exactly how you feel. I just lost my mom a month ago. She was only 63 and her death was sudden. I have the same worries as you about my children remembering her. I have five year old twins who were very close to my mom. I'm so angry that she won't be around to play with them and see them grow up.
I'm so afraid that they will forget her. I talk about her all the time and will continue too. I think as long as we continue to talk about our moms, our children will have memories of their grandmas and they won't forget.
Permalink Reply by Maddy on May 27, 2013 at 9:42am

Hi Amanda,

 

My sister-in-law lost her mother to cancer just a year and half after having her first daughter. I know that she also struggled with how to keep her mother's memory alive for her daughter. I can't speak for her personally, but I can tell you she did something similar to what your husband did and it seems to have worked.

My neice is 4 years old now and she still talks about her "Grandma Joan" and she can recognizer her in photos. Whether or not Livvy (my neice) has actualy memories is doubtful, however she can see pictures and videos of herself with her grandmother and she can recognize the love that is there. I think that's what matters most.

Maddy

 

Permalink Reply by Amanda on May 28, 2013 at 9:23am

Thank you, ladies. I very much appreciate your replies. I hope that by talking about her, showing the videos, and displaying pictures of her, my son will remember her.

Permalink Reply by Crystal Goddard on July 6, 2013 at 9:50pm

Amanda, I am in the exact same boat! My mom died just a little over a month ago and I have a 2 year old who LOVED my mom and who my mom absolutely adored. My mom came over all the time to spend time with her and now suddenly she's just gone, for ever, from both our lives. It breaks my heart that my little girl probably wont remember my mom, and my mom was my hero and such a wonderful loving person. I cry every day, usually first for my own pain, and then for the pain I feel that my daughter wont have a grandmother. It's especially bad because I LOVE my grandma so much and was always super close to her. My mom always told me that she hopes my children adore her as much as I adore my grandma. She was so excited when I finally had a baby. I have so many emotions, fear of living my life without her, pain because I already miss her so much, anger because she should not have died so young, and probably a million other feelings depending on the hour. <sigh>

 

Anyway, the one thing I did to try to help my 2 year old remember my mom is I printed a few pictures of them together and put them in her room and every night before bed I point to the pic and say "who's that?" and she so far still knows who it is.

Permalink Reply by Amanda on July 8, 2013 at 9:36pm

Crystal, I'm sorry for your loss. You've described so many of the thoughts and feelings that I'm having. I feel that I'm grieving for myself as well as for my kids. I hate that the love my mom and my toddler shared is just...gone...and that I'm the only one who will remember it.

We also have pictures around, and we talk to my toddler about her. I try to talk about the picture--where they are, what they're doing, how happy they are. I'm hoping that it will help imprint things into his memory. It's tricky, though, because sometimes if I mention his Nana, he gets this hopeful look on his face and says "See Nana today?" As if this is the day that finally she will be there. Then I have to watch his face fall when I tell him no.

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