Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by William Fielding on May 7, 2013 at 3:10pm

Hi Michelle,

In my experience it can begin from the onset of an illness.

Permalink Reply by Michelle H on May 7, 2013 at 5:11pm

My son wasn't ill, he passed away suddenly. So it wasn't a gradual pulling away of my friend. I expressed hurt and disappointment that she didn't come to his funeral and she said she isn't willing to be in a friendship with those "demands." There were no demands...just me telling my friend of my disappointment.

Permalink Reply by William Fielding on May 7, 2013 at 5:34pm

Michelle you really do not need friends like that with respect and in my mind are better off without them. I am so sorry for your loss and I will pray for you. God Bless.

Permalink Reply by Bonnie Jacobs on May 7, 2013 at 5:45pm

No, but I feel for you.  I have one very close friend who is there for me always and if I lost her friendship I don't know what I would do. I don't know what to say to you as I can't imagine what you are going through. Try to stay strong and I will be happy to help you or talk to you anytime.

Permalink Reply by Michelle H on May 7, 2013 at 9:16pm

Bonnie, thank you for your kind reply. I'm glad you have the support of your best friend. How are you doing? Your daughter's passing is so recent.

Permalink Reply by Bonnie Jacobs on May 7, 2013 at 10:08pm

I'm trying to hang in there. My 29 yr. old daughter, Sara, passed away on this May 3rd.  I am numb.  This was a for and a half month battle that we knew where it was going.  I never knew there could be such pain.  Sara was a beautiful, loving, caring, and giving person.  She put everyone else before herself.  She was living with me and I miss her terribly. How do you go on?  It seems like each day is harder than the day before.  I am praying for you.

Permalink Reply by Bonnie Jacobs on May 8, 2013 at 11:47pm

Michelle, I know I already replied to you but after thinking about it, and I can't imagine how I forgot to tell you, I did lose a friend. This was a really good friend too.  I could always talk to her about my daughter and she always made sense and made me feel better. Then she has a slight heart attack and the doctors asked her if she had been in any stress.  She said that talking to me about Sara stressed her out and that she didn't want to talk to me anymore. Well, I did not cause her heart attack. I was shocked!  When Sara passed I included her in my message to my friends that she had passed and I got absolutely no response.  I think the whole thing is crazy.  Luckily, I have no feelings of guilt. I still just can't believe it.

 

Permalink Reply by Michelle H on May 9, 2013 at 10:03am

Bonnie, I can't fathom that your friend would blame her heart attack on talking to you about Sara! I'm so sorry that happened to you. You sure didn't need someone trying to guilt you like that. Of course you didn't cause her heart attack!

I'm a therapist, but sometimes people's behavior still manages to blow my mind.

Permalink Reply by Bonnie Jacobs on May 9, 2013 at 10:29am

You know, I could let her really get to me which would be my nature but I just don't care.  I guess my perspective is different now.  You say you are a therapist, why do I feel like stone and numb?  Is it a normal part of grieving?  I feel like I should be showing how much I hurt and I can't do it.  Tears don't come anymore even though I feel like crying.  Sara's memorial will be next weekend and I don't feel anything.  What's wrong with me?

Permalink Reply by Michelle H on May 9, 2013 at 10:39am

Bonnie, it is a normal part of grief to feel as you do. We get some protection from the overwhelming enormity of what has happened to us. Otherwise, I think we would go crazy. My son passed away suddenly exactly 7 weeks ago today, yet I feel "flat." No tears here, either. Not that I haven't shed a lot of them, especially early on, but I know there is an ocean full of tears inside that aren't coming out. I guess we just have to be as gentle with ourselves as we need others to be with us. Praying for you and for all of us who have experienced the unthinkable.

Permalink Reply by Bonnie Jacobs on May 9, 2013 at 2:57pm

I feel so terribly sorry for your loss also.  I can't imagine losing him so suddenly.  You are in my prayers and my thoughts.  Love and Light, Bonnie

Permalink Reply by Michelle H on May 9, 2013 at 5:11pm

One of the hardest things was not being able to see him after he passed away. He was cremated before they brought him back to the States. So I never got to see the reality, which makes it harder to comprehend.

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