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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on March 22, 2013 at 4:24pm

i wish i cud anser but cant lozing my dad in 2012 march thn my surgate uncle in nov 2012 

thn more losses in jan 2013 i never tht i cud looz 6 peopl in my life in 1 month thn anothr of my dads friend in feb i som days i feal lik im on a fast rolcoster foing to fast wish i cant get off i just hop im sayiny the rht thngs

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Permalink Reply by Melisa C on March 23, 2013 at 8:50am

I can relate to this. Days seem to come and go just like that, it feels like when you don't have any meaningful activity days go by very fast. I go to work everyday, I need to make a living, it fills the hours, otherwise I might be home all day.

The only creature that depends on me is my kitty, my mom took care of her and when she passed now I do it. There's not much to do for her though, she's low mainteinance. She gives me a reason to come home, without mom here she spends hours alone and I know I have to go home to be with her.

My life was structured around my mom, and it's like 'What now??'. Her absence has forced me to come face to face with a lot of issues that were in the background, the problem is that I feel that I don't even care to deal with them right now.

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Permalink Reply by Mark on March 23, 2013 at 1:52pm

Melissa, 

 

So much of what you say in the post from (as of now, 4 hours ago) is similar to me; I am trying to now push myself to go for goals I've had and had put on hold to some degree.  My dog gives me a reason to come home.  He's a good little dog, and was my parent's best friend.

 

I did a ton with my parents, and helped them a ton.  There's times where I feel like (as you said)" what now" (as so many things I would do with them/to help them are not necessary now).  I had things in my life I think I subconsciously had "buried" and now with them gone, I realize the holes these things have created (not being with someone in my life, I find life has moved on in some respect). I feel like I almost if I didn't know better, I could have been in a time warp or a deep sleep and all of a sudden wake up and look around to see all the things I have missed out on.  I know sometimes life seems like a "pan- a - see a" (spelling?), if only I had done this, then this and that would be all perfect, but I know reality is not like that.

 

The future in some ways seems so muddy.

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