Although I don't live in the U.S., there is always fireworks on the 4th of July and last night was no exception.  However, my electricity was off so I was sitting outside (with my dogs) and 3 fireworks went off in my neighbourhood.  It brought back immediate memories of that night, Dec. 9th last year when my husband was shot and I ran into my house and broke down.  I was automatically terrified again and re-lived the whole nightmare last night by myself because of some stupid fireworks.  When does the fear end - if ever???  I know the grief will never end and I miss my husband so much, I cry every night missing him (we were only married 3 years).  I have some of his ashes in a small urn and I pick it up and hold it close and can almost feel him.  I asked my sister-in-law why did God allow this to happen - we did not deserve this, she replied it was not God, it was the work of Satan.  Can someone who reads this please re-assure me that our loved ones are up there watching over us all the time.  It is so hard.